On these pages, we cover a fair number of lawsuits relating to female anatomy. Suits about women who say they were fired from their jobs for their stunning beauty (or, depending on your level of cynicism, their other intimidating feminine assets). But we less frequently write about lawsuits stemming from the male anatomy.

Today, we’re making up for lost time. This afternoon we have two stories about men who allegedly have trouble with properly managing their personal packages, thus causing varying degrees of trauma to themselves and people around them.

Are these suits sexy? NO. Are they crazy? Uh, yup. Salacious? Check. And no matter how one discusses these suits, it will sound like an awkward conversation with Tobias Fünke.

So, let’s check out our Lawsuits of the Day. And watch your step…

Let’s start with the less disturbing story, coming to us from New Haven, Connecticut. From the Patriot Ledger:

A bus driver from Brockton has sued a Connecticut hospital, saying staff at an affiliated facility failed to promptly and properly treat his painful erection and watched a baseball game on television while he waited.

Daren Scott is seeking $2 million in his federal lawsuit against Yale-New Haven Hospital. The lawsuit says Scott was diagnosed before the incident with recurrent priapism, a persistent painful erection unrelated to sexual stimulation.

Scott was driving customers from Boston to New York on April 17, 2009, when he suffered a persistent and disabling erection. After dropping off the customers, Scott said he checked into an emergency medical facility affiliated with the hospital but was told he had to move his bus because he had parked it in the wrong place.

Scott suffered more pain as a result of moving the bus, and when he explained he was in great pain was told to wait, according to the lawsuit, which was filed in March.

Scott is partly upset because he said he had to wait four hours before medical staff would give him some relief. I feel bad for the guy on one level, because I’m sure blue balls priapism is unquestionably painful. But on the other hand, if you go to the ER expecting to wait less than several hours, you better be in the middle of a heart attack and have a gaping gunshot wound in your shoulder at the same time.

It is odd medical staff were allegedly watching a sporting event instead of treating patients, but I wonder if a tent that refused to be unpitched was simply not a priority in the ER (especially considering that Scott was in New Haven. Come on, man! That’s worse than going to the ER in Oakland.)

On the next page, we have a suit filed by a female Tulane Law grad (yes, we have a photo of the young attorney) that is so unsettling, I don’t even feel comfortable making jokes about it. I just want to write the post and then take a cold shower…


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