Bar Review Diaries: We're All Mad Here

With just two weeks until the Bar Exam, our diarists struggle to maintain their sanity.

What do you have for us, Andrew?

In case you haven’t heard, there are only two weeks left until the Bar Exam. That’s right, only two weeks until I can send this Bar Exam Balrog back to the shadows.

Enter a stooped-over, slightly demented, old white man, spectacles perched on his age-spotted nose, with an unkempt beard and a staff. Why a staff? I have no idea. You shall not question the methods or accoutrements of a Bar Examiner. Further, “YOU SHALL NOT PASS!”

Again with the Bar Examiner bit, you’re thinking? Damn straight, again with the Bar Examiner bit! What else am I going to write about? I’ve studied for the same test for the past eight weeks. You’ve seen Groundhog Day. Bill Murray learned to play the piano, ice sculpt, and speak fluent French. I’m pretty sure that takes longer than eight weeks, but did the film last for six years? Hell no. They cut it down to two hours. If I didn’t write about the bar examiners, and my utter despisement for their literal and figurative existence, this would be the eighth diary entry that begins with, “Dear Diary, today I studied for the bar exam,” and ends with… actually, that’s it. I covered the whole thing in the first sentence. Score another one for free bar prep. Themz Thugz Thu 4 Life.

Haha, fair point. And you all have been doing a nice job of extrapolating stories from your study-centric universe the last few weeks:

Back to the Bar Examiners… what’s one of the most uplifting, secretly Nazi-bashing, sing-alongs in cinema history? You got it. Mary Poppins 2: A Spoonful of Poison Makes the Nazis Go Dead. A true Disney classic. In all seriousness, I would watch mid-1960s Julie Andrews do anything. I’m not afraid to admit it.

Oh Lord, I’m afraid to see where this is going.

Anyway, one of my favorite songs from The Sound of Music is the classic show tune, “My Favorite Things.” There are two places I can go with this: One, I can make some joke about how when I’m feeling down, I think of Julie Andrews. Doing “anything.” Including me, if the “quotation marks” weren’t explicit enough for you. And singing the song. But that would be weird. So I’m going with number two, the Bar Examiner’s version of “My Favorite Things.” Here we go:

[Verse 1]
Houses on fire and items for auction
Gratuitous aunts and poorly stored toxins
Coming upon your whore wife in flings
These are a few of my favorite things

[Refrain]
When the mail’s lost
Stolen diamond ring
Yes, we’re raving mad
I simply remember my favorite things
Here’s our advice: Too bad, so sad

Well, keep trucking, y’all are nearly there. Just try not to lose your minds in the process!

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Disclosure: This series is sponsored by Themis Bar Review, which is an ATL advertiser.

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