California, Masturbation, Nauseating Things

'You've Got Mail!' Woman Sues Mailman After He Allegedly Masturbates on Her Lawn

If your mail is all sticky, it could be because your mailman has been masturbating on your lawn...

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From catching up with friends to paying your bills, the use of email and internet technology is so prevalent that the days of waiting for the mailman to come seem like a relic of the past. If you’re waiting for a package to arrive, however, then all bets are off. You’ll probably check and reload the tracking information online until you’re blue in the face, and then squeal with joy when the mailman shows up with your delivery.

But even as the mail gets phased out, as the old saying goes, neither snow nor rain nor heat nor gloom of night stays these couriers from the swift completion of their appointed rounds. And speaking of swift completion, today we’ve got a tale of a mailman’s speedy delivery of a rather unexpected “package” — one capable of turning squeals of joy to groans of disgust in no time flat.

If you’re in California and you’ve been wondering why your mail is all sticky, we may have an answer for you….

Patsy Taylor, a Los Angeles resident, is suing her mailman over claims of lewd conduct and indecent exposure. She’s represented by Okorie Okorocha, a lawyer who is no stranger to litigation involving male genitalia.

You may remember Okorocha from his brief representation of several clients in the John Travolta gay sex scandal, before they were allegedly snatched away from his clutches by Gloria Allred. In the ultimate attention whore-off, Okorocha sued Allred in what Allred called a “legally and factually baseless lawsuit” — one that was quickly dismissed by Los Angeles Superior Court Judge Michael Linfield.

Getting back to Taylor’s complaint, here’s an allegation that will make you think this mailman’s gone postal:

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Such a travesty would never have occurred on Wisteria Lane! Query whether Taylor would be suing for $3 million if she had averted her eyes instead of watching as the mailman put his flag up and allegedly jerked off on her front lawn. This is kind of like a bad porn blooper — if only Taylor had allowed the mailman to make a first-class delivery in her mail slot, then perhaps he wouldn’t be faced with this suit.

We bet this lady wishes that the disgusting images now emblazoned in her mind could be returned to sender.

Complaint: Taylor v. Doe, et al. [U.S. District Court for the Central District of California]
Not Funny [Courthouse News Service]

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