LETTER FROM A DISGRUNTLED LAW GRAD TO SUNY BUFFALO LAW
Dear Dean Mutua and the rest of you “god-damned racketeers” (a.k.a SUNY UB LAW SCHOOL FACULTY with the exception of [Redacted]), Chaplinsky v. New Hampshire, 315 U.S. 568 (1942).
I am a class of 2012 graduate. I am currently unable to secure employment. I have found that in the employment market a Juris Doctor from your school is not worth the paper it is written on. I have spoken with your career services office and they are unwilling, unable or simply too damn incompetent to help.
Having spent approximately three years of my life and approximately $100,000 (a figure that includes tuition, fees, health insurance that SUNY UB requires students to purchase, books, and University housing) to purchase a law degree from your institution I contend that you and SUNY UB Law School have a contractual obligation to ensure that your graduates, such as myself, find gainful employment. If you do not take meaningful action within 14 business days to help me secure such employment I may decide to sue you, every member of the of the law school faculty, SUNY UB and the state of New York on the theory that a law degree purchased from SUNY UB breaches the implied warranty of merchantability.
The aforementioned warranty stipulates that when any person buys any goods from any merchant, a term is automatically added to the contract by operation of law—that the goods are fit for the ordinary purpose for which such goods are used.
In this case, I am a person who purchased a juris doctor from SUNY UB Law School, a merchant in the business of selling juris doctors. One ordinary purpose of juris doctor is that it is supposed to allow a person to be gainfully employed. Here, I am unable to be gainfully employed as the result of purchasing the aforementioned defective juris doctor from your business. Therefore, SUNY UB Law School has breached the implied warranty of merchantability.
Because SUNY UB Law School has breached our contract I, the non-breaching party, am entitled to expectation damages which are measured by the fair market value of the good if it were not defective minus the fair market value of the good as delivered. In this case, the fair market value of a juris doctor that does not breach the implied warranty of merchantability is at the very least the purchase price (approximately $100,000), or at the most, the amount of money one could earn if the juris doctor allowed one to be gainfully employed. It is easy to determine the fair market value of the juris doctor as it was delivered to me: $0. Therefore, at the very least, SUNY UB Law School owes me the purchase price of my Juris Doctor which was approximately $100,000.
I also argue that I am entitled to interest on my damages if the damages are measured by the amount of money I had to pay SUNY UB Law School for this defective juris doctor.
Finally, I argue that I am entitled to compensation for the three years of my life that I spent buying the aforementioned defective juris doctor.
I hope that you choose to take meaningful action that will help me be gainfully employed. However, please know that if you do not help me and I decide not to sue you as it is very unlikely that the justice system will provide me with any justice (after-all, it is the justice system that allows the oppressive tyrannical law school regime to exist in the first place) I may, out of financial necessity, have to simply drive to Buffalo and peacefully take your job and peacefully repossess some of your real and personal property. However, I am not certain I could do your job as it involves fiscally raping law students for your own very substantial personal gain and I’m just not sure if I could do that and live with myself.
A dissatisfied customer.
P.S. F**K U. B. Law School. Cohen v. California, 403 U.S. 15 (1971).
“A lawyer is either a social engineer or a parasite upon society.”
—Charles Hamilton Houston
During my three years at UB Law School I did not observe that anyone on SUNY UB Law School’s faculty was a social engineer. I will leave you to draw the logical conclusion.