Breasts, Crime, Deaths, Reader Polls

Are Breasts Now Considered Deadly Weapons?

What’s the most exciting way to die? I’m going to go out on a limb here and say that most men would enjoy death by sex, because meeting your maker in one last blaze of sexual glory is probably more satisfying than any Biglaw bonus you’ll ever get. In second place on that fantasy death list for men would probably be death by motorboating, because getting a stiffy while going stiff from rigor mortis is surely the breast best way to die.

But if you were an unwilling participant in this kind of macabre motorboating, it wouldn’t be a very pleasurable experience. That’s what supposedly happened when a woman in Washington allegedly smothered her boyfriend to death with her ample bosom, and I am shocked — shocked, I tell you! — that this all went down in a trailer park.

Talk about a deadly booby trap….

Never did I suspect that I had assault artillery in my bra, but now that I know, I’ll be sure to keep my bazookas holstered. Alas, it appears that Donna Lange didn’t subscribe to this school of thought, because she allegedly mounted her beau and went to town. Here’s are the allegations against her, as reported by KIRO-TV:

A 50-year-old Everett woman is accused of smothering her boyfriend by lying on his face.

Witnesses said the woman had her chest on the victim’s face, a Snohomish County Sheriff’s Office document said. …

Police recommended that Lange be charged with second-degree manslaughter.

The scary part is that this isn’t even the first time a woman has been accused of trying to smother a man with her breasts. Back in November, a German woman allegedly tried to murder her boyfriend (a lawyer) with her 38DDs. In fairness, she reportedly just “wanted to make [his] death as pleasurable as possible.”

From weapons of mass distraction to weapons of mass destruction? Be careful out there, ladies, lest you be charged with some sort of a crime. Readers, what do you think about the weapons women wield?

Should boobs be classified as deadly weapons?

  • No, but bring those teats of justice over here; I'll gladly suckle upon them! (70%, 166 Votes)
  • Yes, women's cups have runneth over without regulation for far too long! (30%, 70 Votes)

Total Voters: 236

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Woman accused of smothering boyfriend with chest [KIRO-TV]
Woman Smothers Boyfriend To Death With Her Boobs [The Frisky]
Woman ‘tried to kill boyfriend with DD breasts’ [Mirror]
Donna Lange, Washington Woman, Accused Of Using Her Breasts To Smother And Kill Boyfriend
[Huffington Post]

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