Once again, we’re wading into the shallow waters of celebrity careers gone awry. Sometimes actors of the B-list variety just want to do something more with their lives — aside from nurse a stint in acting that’s on its last legs. And, just like everyone else who’s unsure of what that “something more” really is, law school beckons with its promises of fame and fortune.
Jerry O’Connell did it most recently, and many others took the plunge before him (apparently careers in the law work well for the child stars of yesteryear). But who’s the latest victim of the celebrity law school trap?
It’s someone who doesn’t want to wait for her life to be over before accomplishing something with it….
Now that you’ve got that awful song stuck in your head, let’s chat about Katie Holmes. It’s certainly been a long and winding road for the 34-year-old starlet. From her days on Dawson’s Creek to her ill-fated marriage to the spawn of Xenu, she’s been there and done that. Having a child with a wardrobe that’s more expensive than her own just isn’t enough anymore, and given her recent involvement in the so-called divorce of the century, she’s had her fair share of exposure to legal world.
So how do we know she plans on going to law school? Well, since the most “reputable” celebrity news source of them all (our apologies to TMZ) says so, it must be true. Here are the details from the National Enquirer:
“Katie started acting when she was a teenager, and she’s grown tired of that world,” said a source.
“She expressed a keen interest in law while splitting from Tom Cruise, and now that the divorce is finalized, she has the time, the money, and the opportunity to go to school.
“More importantly, she wants to be a strong female role model for her daughter Suri.”
Well, on the bright side, if Katie Holmes really is going to law school, she won’t have to worry about those pesky student loans that we so often complain about — she’s got an estimated net worth of $25 million. Considering the state of the legal job market, she’s every law school’s dream applicant, because she’ll definitely be employed nine months after graduation. After all, the law is a Holmes family business:
What’s more, the legal profession is in her blood. Katie’s father [Martin J. Holmes Sr.] is an attorney in her hometown of Toledo, Ohio, where he specializes in divorce law. …
“Katie’s father always wanted her to be a doctor, but he’s thrilled she’s decided to follow in his footsteps,” said the source. “They’re even considering going into practice together.”
Katie’s father and brother, Martin J. Holmes Jr., both went to the Toledo Law, 129th best law school in the nation. Given that Katie would be a legacy admit and the school’s median LSAT score is a 153, she wouldn’t even have to try very hard — or at all — to get in. But first, as noted over at the Faculty Lounge, she’d have to complete her bachelor’s degree. Or, instead of going through all that trouble, she could just go to Cooley.
Besides, if the whole law thing doesn’t go as planned, she could be the new spokesmodel for the second-best law school in all the land. Because embarrassing gigs like that seem to work out well for other failed CW actresses, especially when they haven’t got any shame or dignity left.
On behalf of Above the Law, we’d like to extend Katie a warm welcome to law school, if in fact she decides to enroll in the future. Now that’s something to jump up and down on Oprah’s couch about.