As I write this, some dating show called Baggage is playing out on my television screen. Northwestern Law alum Jerry Springer is hemming and hawing about some floozy’s hidden past. A drug counselor named Luke wearing a suede vest just introduced himself by saying he’s an “East Coast cat,” and then some fat boy opened his pitch by mentioning that he’s a gamer. This segued into a discursive bit on Luke’s love of gangster rap. Then the fat boy talked about how many online dates he’s gone on. All these men are dressed like amateur magicians.

This is all a way of saying that there’s a lot of terrible stuff on TV these days. Which is why it’s more important than ever that our nation’s celebrities fill the entertainment void with their sex tapes. It appears that this poverty of entertainment options is exactly what Chad Johnson had in mind when portions of his sex tape appeared online this past week.

The proud tradition that began with Pamela Anderson and then begat Kim Kardashian has now given us Chad Johnson. A football player who was last seen on a reality show has now given us real sex.

Let’s talk sports….

CHAD SESENTA Y NUEVE

Chad Johnson’s sex tape never really existed. At least, anything resembling a full video was never released to the public. What did exist were small snippets and pictures emanating like attention-starved penumbras from said sex tape. Classy bumfights website WorldStarHipHop was one of the websites that posted the snippets that hinted at a longer Johnson… tape. And now, according to TMZ, they and another website are being sued by Johnson for releasing the tidbits:

Chad’s lawsuit names WorldStarHipHop and Media Takeout, claiming the two websites posted the sex footage without his consent … footage that was allegedly stolen from him in the first place.

Chad wants unspecified damages … plus a court order blocking the websites from posting the footage ever again.

As we reported, both websites removed the tape last Thursday following Chad’s cease-and-desist letters … but Chad insists the damage was already done.

Chad’s going to have a helluva time winning any sort of damages from these websites. Not that he likely cares. Chad Johnson has never been attention-averse, even when that attention is garnered from something like making sex with a chubby tattooed lady in a two-second video posted online on Christmas. And I doubt Johnson’s attorneys really care about the chances of success with this lawsuit. Either Johnson’s checks clear or they get a ton of free publicity thanks to a former athlete who still generates enough buzz to get featured on TMZ.

As TMZ reported, the websites took down the “tape” after the cease-and-desist letters were sent out last week. If you want to see the completely NSFW still from the “tape,” click here. If you don’t want to see it? Child, please.

PENNSYLVANIA GOVERNOR FIGHTS CHILD CREPE SANCTIONS, VOWS TO UPDATE VOICE RECOGNITION SOFTWARE

I don’t have a whole lot to add to Joe’s post yesterday on the lawsuit filed by the Governor of Pennsylvania against the NCAA. However, I do think he was a bit harsh on the Governor. Not because his logic wasn’t sound. On the contrary, it was airtight. No, I think he was a bit harsh on the Governor because the NCAA deserves to lose no matter the merits of, or motivation behind the Pennsylvania Governor’s lawsuit.

When Joe said he was writing about the lawsuit yesterday, it prompted a bit of a contest to see what the best headline would be for a story about the lawsuit. My best was the one you see adorning the top of this section. My favorite of Elie’s suggestions was: “Pennsylvania To NCAA: But You Guys Rape Kids All The Time!” This is my favorite because it encapsulates everything you need to know about the hypocrisy at work here. The NCAA is a corrupt and vicious organization that, as soon as the major conferences take over the basketball tournament, will hopefully go the way of the dodo. And on the day the NCAA expires, I will say as the Tralfamadorians once did: so it goes.

RAP SHEET ROLL CALL

* Latrell Sprewell was arrested for playing his music too loud. PJ Carlesimo is currently the head coach of the Brooklyn Nets. The arc of the moral universe is long, but it bends towards adult men named PJ.

* The Minnesota State coach who was accused of making sexually explicit videos of his children has been reassigned by the University because of… well, apparently because of his bad luck in being wrongly accused of a horrific crime. That arc of the moral universe is long, but it bends towards blatant injustice.

* An attorney for one of the Texas football players accused of sexual assault denies that his client is guilty. The arc of the moral universe is long, but it bends towards what the f**k did you expect his attorney to say?

Chad Johnson Sues Over Sex Tape — My Johnson Comes With a Price [TMZ]


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