My wife bought me a bottle of Johnnie Walker Blue to celebrate the birth of our child. I had a glass; dear God it was delicious. It tasted smokey.
Anyway, later my boys came over and we had a party and… all the whiskey disappeared. That’s how it felt. Not like we drank it and had a good time… Just that the alcohol evaporated. Along with my shoes. And my boy’s pipe.
Saying that the alcohol “evaporated” is a reasonable explanation of the feeling you get from drinking through an expensive bottle of happiness. It seems like a less good defense to a charge of theft…
According to the Huffington Post, a Pennsylvania mansion’s caretaker is accused of drinking $100,000 of whiskey stored in the walls of a century-old mansion.
First of all, “mansion caretaker” is a real job? Like, not just a character in a Bond movie, but a real freaking job?
In any event, if I was applying for a mansion caretaker job, I’d kind of assume that any liquor I found in the walls was mine to drink at my leisure. All work and no play make Jack a dull boy. But John Saunders claims that he didn’t drink the whiskey. He claims that it simply evaporated. From the Pittsburgh Tribune Review:
When police questioned Saunders, he denied drinking the whiskey, [Police Chief Barry] Pritts said. “Saunders said the whiskey probably evaporated and, being that it was old, was probably no good.”
This seems like an appropriate time to mention that Saunders’s DNA was found on the lips of three of the bottles.
The mansion owner, Patricia Hill, believes that ten cases of Old Farm Pure Rye Whiskey that was produced before Prohibition were stored in the house to avoid the enforcement of the Eighteenth Amendment. So, in a way, we could look at John Saunders as the last person to go to jail because of the Volstead Act.
To recap: drunken caretakers are real, as are mansions with secret treasures buried in their wall. What a world.
John Saunders, Man Charged With Drinking $100K Worth Of Old Whiskey, Claims Drink ‘Evaporated’ [Huffington Post]
Scottdale mansion’s caretaker accused of drinking $102K worth of historic whiskey [Pittsburgh Tribune Review]