Crime, Sex, Sex Scandals

Lawyer Says Penis-Severing Woman Had 'Break With Reality.' You Think?

Some people think writing on the Internet is just a cheap collection of dick jokes. This is unfair. Some people think my writing on the Internet is just a cheap collection of dick jokes. That may be fair.

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Having to talk about penises all day can make anyone a little punchy. If you’ve ever attended/run into a bachelorette party, you know what I mean. And it seems the lawyers in the Catherine Kieu trial have sublimated that punchiness with some unintentionally funny wordsmithery.

If you’ve not been following the case, Catherine Kieu is on trial for drugging her husband, cutting off his member, and throwing it in the garbage disposal. The final act prevented her husband from having his wang reattached, and Kieu went to this extreme presumably to keep him from enjoying an amateur porn resurgence like John Wayne Bobbitt.

But with the trial wrapping up, let’s look back….

The defense offered this in its closing argument:

The defense attorney for a woman charged with severing the penis of her estranged husband said she “had a break from reality” the night of the attack.

“She’s a shattered woman who tried to do the best she could,” Frank Bittar, public defender for Catherine Kieu, said during closing arguments Thursday. But Bittar said Kieu’s mental health woes increased and she broke, according to City News Service.

This seems like an understatement. Severing penises does seem two or three stops past Reality Station. And frankly, “the best she could” wouldn’t have involved going Queen of Hearts and shouting, “Off with his head… and shaft!”

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In the Bobbitt case, Lorena Bobbitt accused her husband of physical abuse — and John Bobbitt was convicted of domestic abuse on a couple of the numerous occasions he was arrested for it — and that made her more sympathetic. If the course of the defense is to be believed, Kieu doesn’t have that story to tell:

Bittar said no one could condone what the victim went through. But he said Kieu had a childhood full of molestation and other trauma in war-torn Vietnam. He said that was compounded by her husband who constantly demanded sex in ways that put her in pain.

Like the back of a Volkswagen?

Meanwhile, the prosecution wasn’t going to let the defense soak up all the crazy in the room and said this:

In its closing arguments, the prosecution said Kieu was blinded by jealous anger after her husband asked for a divorce and began seeing an ex-girlfriend.

“They say anger is the wind that blows out the candle of the mind,” Orange County Deputy District Attorney John Christl said.

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“Anger is the wind that blows out the candle of the mind?” One, seriously? Two, Orange County District Attorney John Christl apparently also writes and performs chick rock on open mic night. The quote is credited to a 19th Century politician, but it’s just hokey oral advocacy.

Deliberations begin on Monday. But I just can’t help but think this is all partially his fault. He probably asked her to “whack him off” and she misheard.

Lawyer: Trauma Drove Woman Who Cut Off Man’s Penis [USA Today]

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