In case you’re not already well aware, a punishing heat wave has been pummeling the East Coast for days. It is freaking HOT out. There’s nothing quite like walking outside of an air-conditioned building and getting punched in the face with a burst of swelteringly humid air. Seriously, there hasn’t been a single day this week when the temperature hasn’t reached the upper 90s. People — especially in New York — are pissed off in general that they have to be alive and function as human beings right now.

You can imagine how pleased these folks must be when they have to attend to their own legal wranglings during this time of extreme weather. Because if you like the justice system, then you’re going to LOVE it when you’re dripping with sweat inside of a courthouse.

What better way to soothe the already angry mob than to throw bed bugs into the mix?

Earlier this week, a Manhattan courtroom was evacuated because a disgusting defendant was allegedly covered in creepy crawlies. The New York Daily News has the details that’ll make your skin crawl:

Pandemonium erupted inside Manhattan Criminal Court Tuesday after panicked spectators said they spotted bedbugs crawling up the neck of a man who was there to answer to a desk-appearance ticket.

The sickening sight sent court observers scrambling out of their seats, a witness told the Daily News.

“People started bolting,” added the witness, a 49-year-old Manhattan woman. “Even the court officers were freaked out. It was disgusting.”

The courtroom was cleared so an exterminator could treat the area where the alleged bedbug brute was seated. Although a court spokesman claimed “no evidence of the alleged bugs [were] uncovered,” the area where the fellow had been seated was cordoned off by yellow police tape — a move sure to to instill no faith whatsoever in those words for the hot and bothered lawyers and litigants present.

“People were scratching themselves,” the witness said. “Everyone in the courtroom was uncomfortable.”

“I’m still scratching myself,” added the witness. “Just telling the story I get itchy.”

Ugh, nasty. Don’t worry, there’s a silver lining to this story. Bed bugs are apparently susceptible to extreme heat. How terribly convenient, considering today’s high is 96° in Manhattan! The solution here is quite simple: If you think you may have been affected by the alleged criminal court bed bug outbreak, just walk outside or set yourself on fire. For New Yorkers, there’s really no difference at this point.

Bedbug-Covered Man Forces Evacuation of Manhattan Courtroom: Report [NBC New York]
Chaos at Manhattan Criminal Court after bedbugs seen crawling up defendant’s neck
[New York Daily News]


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