Canada, Kids, Ridiculousness

Lawyer Turns Over Baby Naming To Crowd Vote — What Could Possibly Go Wrong?

So you’re having a baby. There’s so much to do: things like preparing the nursery, shopping for a stroller, and acclimating yourself to Dinosaur Train.

There’s also the little matter of deciding upon a name. Too common of a name will leave a child identified in school as “Emma Number 4.” Go too far out there, and the kid can be teased mercilessly. It’s a tough job, but families generally figure it out and hit the sweet spot in between the two extremes. Or at least split the difference, like naming your first kid James, and your second Jacquizz.

But if you’re a corporate lawyer, you could also issue ballots to a defined class of stakeholders to vote on the name. Like this guy…

Chris Vollmershausen, a Toronto attorney, and his fiancée Katie Reise have turned over their baby’s name to family and friends:

They’ve mailed out 75 customized ballots for registered voters to mark and mail back (only one ballot per household, so there’s bound to be lobbying among the electorate.) Voting ends Aug. 1. Spoiled ballots won’t be counted, so there’s no room for fresh suggestions.

The first-time mom and dad swear they’ll go with the people’s choice, and have offered to bring in a third-party observer if voters doubt they’re actually serious.

“We’re 100 per cent committed to going with whatever name wins — and just to make sure I don’t feel tempted to sway the vote after it’s in, I’m not going to vote myself,” offered Vollmershausen, 30.

His very pregnant fiancée won’t go that far; she plans to vote, but says majority rules.

Only a lawyer would both crowdsource a baby naming and concoct a series of formal rules and procedures complete with a formal ballot. There are three names nominated for a boy and three for a girl, so the parents aren’t really risking everything by handing out write-in ballots.

Too bad, because I’d have pushed for something like Voltron. Because Voltron Vollmershausen sounds awesome.

Vollmershausen, previously of top Bay Street firm Davies Ward, is now in-house with Husky Injection Molding. I only mention this because Husky is a company to make Ayn Rand’s heart aflutter, headed by CEO John Galt. For Vollmershausen’s sake, let’s hope this John Galt has more enlightened paternity leave policies than his fictional namesake.

Ballots are due tomorrow, so if you have one, hurry up.

So what names did Vollmershausen and Reise place on the ballot? Check out the full customized ballot on the next page…

(hidden for your protection)

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