Caption Contests, Contests, Pictures, Reader Polls

Caption Contest Finalists: Go Camping, Catch Your Own Fish, Hunt Your Own Lawyers

Earlier this week, we asked readers to submit possible captions for this photo (click to enlarge):

Let’s have a look at what our readers came up with, and vote on the finalists…

Since Elie was the one who got the ball on this caption contest rolling, I’ll choose the finalists in his spirit (i.e., “I couldn’t give a damn which ones you guys liked the best until I was forced to”). Here they are:

A. UW Dean of Students: Did you hear that one of our graduates was killed and eaten at a local restaurant?
Career Services Dean: Really? That’s terrible.
UW Dean of Students: Yeah, the worst part is that they are actually advertising lawyers as an entree, and the police won’t do anything about it.
Career Services Dean: Hmmm… Well since they advertised him as a lawyer, I’ll just go ahead and mark him down as employed within nine months in a permanent position requiring a JD.

B. “Hello, supplier? We won’t be needing a restock for a while. We just caught a walrus with 2 Harvard degreez. He’s not technically a lawyer, but there’s too much of him to pass up.”

C. We used to sell catfish but customers demanded bottom-feeders.

D. Finn’s Tips on Sourcing the Freshest Lawyer:

1. Does he shine? Metallic and clean? If he’s dull, he’s likely spoiled and incompetent.
2. Does he smell? If it’s a nice ocean scent, all good. Smell like chlorine or shame, give him a pass.
3. Skin moist? If so, you’ll be spending your winnings in no time.
4. Cloudy eyes? Fails to make eye contact? You’re asking for trouble.
5. Lastly, if you’re bold enough, feel free to check the undercarriage and always remember to use him in moderation.

E. Every summer, the K.K. Fiske Restaurant receives a shipment of fresh lawyers from the University of Wisconsin to wait tables.

F. Look to your left, look to your right, one of you will be sauteed in butter and served on a bed of wilted greens by the end of this year.

G. I’ll have the Fish and Richardson… or maybe the Troutman Sanders…

H. Judges love to grill fresh lawyers.

I. JD Fillets are a cut from the bottom of the barrel and are generally spineless and boneless. Many attorney aficionados rank the fillet extremely high in taste because of its multiple layers of fatty tissue in and surrounding the meat. After three years of a sedentary lifestyle, it is by far our softest and most tender cut.

Its price is $12.5/hour OBO.

J. Fresh lawyers daily, flown in from the most exclusive of locales, including Dubai, NYC, and Boise, Idaho. Garnished with Blackberries, passive-aggressiveness, and calfskin shoes.

Vote for your favorite caption in our poll, which will be open through MONDAY, SEPTEMBER 2, at 11:59 P.M. (Eastern time). The winner gets a t-shirt, and the grudging respect of his or her fellow commenters.

What is the best caption for this photo?

  • C. (28%, 144 Votes)
  • F. (19%, 97 Votes)
  • A. (18%, 91 Votes)
  • G. (15%, 75 Votes)
  • B. (7%, 38 Votes)
  • I. (6%, 30 Votes)
  • H. (3%, 14 Votes)
  • E. (3%, 13 Votes)
  • J. (2%, 9 Votes)
  • D. (0%, 4 Votes)

Total Voters: 514

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