A Catholic lawyer, a Jewish lawyer, and a Muslim lawyer all walk into a bar. The Muslim lawyer says, “I’m filing an injunction to stop this den of sin from serving alcohol.” The Jewish lawyer says, “I’m suing you for working on the Sabbath.” The bartender looks at the Catholic lawyer and says, “Jesus, what do you want?” The Catholic lawyer says, “How the hell should I know? But I’ll take a scotch while you wait for an answer.”
It’s not every day that you see a person specify that they want a lawyer who is from a certain religious background. Law is generally a secular profession. Sure, Moses is the first law giver in the Judeo-Christian tradition, but the only God most lawyers consult before deciding whether or not to take a case is the one bathed in green.
Still, when you are a whack-job on Craigslist who is trying to mount an assault on the calendar, I suppose the only way you’re going to get help is with the aid of a true believer.
Yeah, you heard me right, I’m talking about a guy who wants to sue… somebody… over the calendar…
Actually, being irrationally pissed about the Gregorian calendar is not a new thing. There are the somewhat fair religious arguments (why should the entire secular world keep time in a fashion developed by leaders of one religion). Then there are the bats**t crazy “global conspiracy” arguments. From The Atlantean Conspiracy:
Another subtle yet devastating aspect of the global conspiracy is their manipulation of calendars, clocks, and our perception of time. We are being enslaved by manmade mechanisms and systems for keeping time. Not only are we wage-slaves to bankers, governments, bosses, and landowners, but we are also time-slaves to our watches, clocks, and calendars.
Man, I love benign nut-jobs. I wish I could be there when this guy sees a Peter’s Projection Map for the first time; his head might actually explode.
In any event, one of these dudes managed to successfully operate Craigslist, and he’s looking for some help from lawyers willing to take on the Catholic Church. Here’s the ad in pertinent part (you can see the full ad, with a wonderful picture, on the next page).
Need Jewish or Muslim attorney
I am currently involved in a court case (on appeal) in Paris, [Texas], that is challenging the legality/authority of the Gregorian Calendar — based on the fact that it is a papal-decreed religious instrument and violates the Establishment Clause of the 1st Amendment.
This will eventually end-up in the SCOTUS to have 6 Catholic and 3 Jewish justices make a ruling on the legality/authority on the papal bull/decree issued by Pope Gregory XIII in 1582.
I am looking for an attorney who has integrity and courage – and is willing to stand up for the truth, the rule of LAW and the freedom for people to not HAVE to use the Roman Catholic Gregorian Calendar and use the one that agrees with their conscience/belief/religion.
It’s eventually going to end up in SCOTUS, you think? Don’t get me wrong, I would LOVE to see the Supreme Court grant cert in a case regarding whether the Gregorian calendar violates the Establishment Clause. I just want to see who is allegedly in violation — is the mere recognition of “Saturday” by the U.S. Postal Service the issue here?
Still, I think it would be pretty bad if everybody got to use the calendar that’s in accordance to their conscience and beliefs. I don’t want my employer adopting a calendar that pays me once a galactic year. On that scale, there’s still a Tyrannosaur waiting around for a paycheck.
But I want to end where I started: why does it take a Jewish or Muslim lawyer to
tell this man he’s crazy take this case? Don’t Buddhist or Hindu lawyers have just as much stake in overturning this expression of Catholic imperialism?
Unless… oh my God… this guy must be part of the Western Illuminati conspiracy that seeks to deny the influence of Eastern traditions in an attempt to extend Western imperialism throughout the far East…