Over the weekend, the New York Post published an except from a book called Unicorn (affiliate link), a self-published memoir of a lawyer who lived the secret, swinging lifestyle.
I get it, “professional” woman writes about having sex with multiple partners and suddenly people are interested.
The Post describes the book’s author as: “Isabella Martin, 37, a successful corporate lawyer based in an East Coast city.” The post says that “Isabella Martin” is a pseudonym that the author is using for professional reasons.
Normally I’d ignore books with Harlequin romance lines like this: “During that period, I guess I saw sex just like a hot-blooded single guy with no emotional attachments would. I found it difficult to calm my mind and get to sleep if I hadn’t had an orgasm.”
But tipsters point out that the real “Unicorn” might not have been quite as successful as the Post would have us believe, which piqued my interest….
A source pointed Above the Law in the direction of the following screenshot of the copyright page for the Unicorn novel. It appears that Isabella Martin didn’t jump through all the appropriate hoops to hide her real identity:
Okay, that’s a bad job of putting together a pseudonym. I still don’t really care. Except that if Jill Mikel Boland is really the author of Unicorn, then I start to wonder where the Post got this whole “successful corporate lawyer” thing. Because there’s a Jill Mikel Boland who currently has a suspended law license from the state of Pennsylvania. Here’s the administrative suspension order from Pennsylvania. Scroll down for her name.
You can see her license was suspended in 2010 pursuant to PA Rule 219. Rule 219 has to do with attorney registration, so it’s possible her license was suspended for simply failing to pay a fee or meet some CLE requirements. Guys in my high school used to have their law licenses suspended for administrative reasons all the time, it was no big deal.
BUT… if Martin/Boland are the same person, then it would seem this suspension happened right around the time she was balls deep in the swinging threesomes described in her book. Well… now I’m interested. Far from being a “successful corporate lawyer,” was Unicorn too busy at sex parties to keep herself qualified as an attorney? Suddenly, this excerpt in the Post sounds a little more interesting than the narrator in a Cinemax movie:
And so it went on. Over the space of 12 months, Joe hosted around four more “parties” in my honor. Sometimes there were two guys, sometimes three or four.
All the time, I knew I was leading a sordid, double life. I confided in a couple of open-minded girlfriends, but nobody else knew. Looking back, I was seriously depressed and mixed-up. I always needed a lot of alcohol to get in the right frame of mind for the parties.
Casual sex seemed like the only way I could escape reality.
Isabella Martin says that the last time she “played” was November 2010. The administrative suspension order for Jill Boland is dated November 18th, 2010. It seems like there is a more interesting story here than some woman who had sex like a porn star.
I’m not sure if we’ll ever know that story. Isabella Martin did not return our multiple requests for comment, and a phone number for Jill Boland was inactive.
But the larger point, I think, is that successful East Coast corporate attorneys are not having hot threesome sex parties on the reg. Right? I mean, I know books like this are designed to make people, women mostly, feel like they are missing out some kind of exciting and dangerous life of multi-orgasmic sex where days spent in windowless conference rooms surrounded by pasty men are supplanted by acrobatic nights with the hot men of Hollister. But really, most lawyers would just pull a hamstring if they tried that stuff.
“Successfully” pulling off a double life sounds cool until your doctor recommends stronger bipolar medication. Remember that the next time somebody gives you a secret invitation to an underground, midget-boinking, Eyes Wide Shut party.