Nude Dancing, Real Estate, Sex, Vicious Infighting

Naked People Sue Each Other Over Rental Agreement, Sex Toys

You’ve been served.

Nudists seem like they’d be pretty chill people. It’s the kind of thing a bunch of aging hippies do when they want to pretend that they’re living in a production of Hair.

That’s why a protracted legal showdown between a nudist resort and one of its residents over swinging, cock rings, and property rights is so unusual.

Catherine Holmes feels the camp has morphed from a free-wheeling celebration of Naturism into a swingers club and hostile environment for children. She wants to sell her cabin and move. Camp administrators think she’s a troublemaker and want to kick her out of her cabin. They maintain that all the sexually provocative things Holmes alleges (some of which she backs with photographic evidence) are just “jokes.”

If everyone agrees that Holmes should move, why can’t everyone just agree to let her sell?

Because there’s no shortage of cojones in a nudist colony, that’s why…

Holmes has a beef with the Maryland Health Society (MAHESO). Not to be confused with Maheso, the purveyors of fried foods, because nudists with a deep fryer is a recipe for disaster. The facility bills itself as a family-friendly nudist establishment, where sexuality and nudism are kept separate and overt sexual behavior is prohibited in public areas. For years, Holmes claims, the resort lived up to this standard. That’s why Holmes signed a 46-year lease on a cabin, which is a little aggressive since she was 50 at the time. Natural living, I guess.

But recently, as Katie J.M. Baker reports, Holmes thinks the camp has lost its way:

Holmes never witnessed any public sex acts herself, but she claims multiple friends and guests told her they were approached by “swinging” strangers looking to “play” on the park’s grounds. There were rumors of blow jobs in the pool and sex in the forest.

Holmes also took issue with what she calls “highly sexualized and inappropriate signage,” including a sign in the showers that encourages users to masturbate and “blue ball” testicles dangling from [Board President Vicky] Jarboe’s golf cart, which also sports a decal of a naked woman. Don’t even get her started on Jarboe’s husband’s “stretchy” cock ring, which Holmes said he once unsnapped in front of her.

She even has a picture of the shower sign and it is… well, if the goal was to avoid overt sexual references in public, this fails. The head of the camp labels it a “joke.” I’m not sure why it isn’t a violation of the family-friendly spirit of the camp just because it’s labeled a joke.

But the merits of the underlying dispute are neither here nor there. Holmes wanted to sell and the camp responded by revoking her membership and telling her she no longer has the right to sell her cabin. That’s just naked provocation, amiright?

Meanwhile, MAHESO has locked up her cabin and Holmes is sneaking into her cabin through a window. She even sent Jezebel a “butt selfie” demonstrating how she crawls through the window. As an aside, when did the term “selfie” get expanded to “any picture of a person”? It used to refer to someone taking a picture of themselves. And from the angle of the shot Holmes gave Jezebel — which you don’t want to see — she did not take this picture herself. I digress.

In June, Holmes filed a complaint seeking a temporary restraining order and unspecified damages from MAHESO for allegedly expelling her as punishment for her anti-swinger protests. “If the court says I must go, I will, but I refuse to let them bully me into abandoning it,” she said. MAHESO responded by filing a counterclaim seeking money from Holmes for allegedly defacing property and posting “improper posters” and asking the court to officially evict her once and for all.

The TRO was denied, but a pre-trial hearing is scheduled for January.

I assume the parties agreed to that date since they’d be wearing clothes that month anyway.

Nudist Colony Just Can’t Get Rid of This One Naked Lady [Jezebel]

(hidden for your protection)

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