On the one hand, people who steal other people’s lunches are kind of the worst. Nobody accidentally steals lunch from a communal fridge. They know damn well that they are taking the food out of somebody else’s mouth.

On the other hand, people who have a conniption when their lunch gets stolen need to chill. You wouldn’t put your iPad or your wallet in a communal fridge. Not just because it would be a weird place to store such things, but because the very definition of “communal” means any random person with low moral character can take your stuff. If something is so precious to you that you’re going to have a fit if you lose it, you should keep it on your person or under lock and key.

But I guess overall I’m happy that law students keep leaving their lunches in communal fridges and are then surprised when somebody else in the community takes their food. Because watching a person lose their minds like their blood sugar has bottomed out in front of the whole freaking class is fun to read about….

As “someone stole my lunch” emails go, this one from a Northwestern Law lady is pretty tame:

Are you eating a delicious lunch from a black Tupperware container that was lovingly made at home, dressing on the side, with a real (aka not plastic fork) that was in a brown paper gift bag?

Well that means you stole my lunch! Since you’ve made me buy my lunch, please at least have the decency to at least return the fork, Tupperware, and salad dressing.

See, pretty tame. I don’t know that you can “lovingly” prepare a meal for just yourself, except in the Professor Hesch kind of way. And, really, you want the salad dressing back? But whatever, what makes this one interesting is not the email, it’s the fact that this lady also gave voice to text. From a tipster:

This student stood up at the beginning of a class and made the same announcement.

Now that’s classic. Even if it wasn’t a huge class, delaying class to say that you want your Tupperware back is wonderful. The only thing that would have been better is if the lunch thief stood up and said, “Here’s your fork, I had to lose the Tupperware, tasty salad though.” Perhaps if she offered some kind of reward: “return my Tupperware and it will magically be refilled with lunch tomorrow”? A lot of times, people who want something back report on how much the thing meant to them. Perhaps she could have gone with “This Tupperware was given to me by my grandmother who used it to send salads to my grandfather during the war. Grandpappy didn’t make it back from Normandy, but the Tupperware was returned to us, with the dressing on the side.”

There’s no such thing as free lunch in law school, even if you make one yourself. Unless you are the guy who steals other people’s lunches. Then the price is only your own worthless integrity.


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