Man who just can’t stop masturbating.

I hesitate to call Liberty University School of Law a “real” law school, as opposed to a finishing school for Christian soldiers, but whatever. They’re accredited. Wackadoodles need lawyers too.

So what are the good people at Liberty doing to make sure the legal world is safe for Christians? Combating sex addiction, of course! Because I guess it’s easier to fight a fake disease than wrestle with the fundamental hypocrisy of puritanical mores.

I thought “sex addiction” only afflicted world-famous celebrities who have the debilitating problem of getting a lot of ass. But apparently even regular people can get addicted to screwing anybody available…

WSET-TV in Lynchburg has the very special story of Liberty Law professor Joel Hesch. Hesch has written a new book, Proven Men: A Proven Path to Sexual Integrity; Help with Pornography, Masturbation or Sex Addiction from a Biblical Perspective (affiliate link), and he’s launching a “Proven Men” course. According to WSET, the course “tackles issues like lust, pornography and masturbation from a biblical perspective.”

I guess if you believe that there is an angry and vengeful invisible man in the sky who watches everything you do at all times, makes a list, and then determines your fate for all eternity based on the few years you spent shrouded in the mortal coil, masturbation must be super-stressful. The normal-people equivalent must be like masturbating in bed while your wife looks on disapprovingly and reads.

I’m not mocking, I’m empathizing. Masturbation really sucks if you think someone is watching you. Unless you’re one of those people who gets off on that kind of thing. And apparently, this is a really big problem in the Christian community:

Sex addiction is a lot more common than you may realize. In one poll, nearly three-fourths of Christian men admitted to struggling with pornography on a daily basis. In another, one half said they are addicted to porn.

Right, three-fourths admitted to “struggling with pornography,” and I suppose the other quarter found no struggle because they just paid for a Brazzers subscription.

I’ll note that Christian women are probably rubbing ones out with similar frequency to the men, only they don’t get to have “sex addiction.” The biblical perspective for them goes straight to stoning.

In any event, Professor Hesch speaks from personal experience:

Joel Hesch lives in a suburban Lynchburg home, has a loving family, a law degree and a job at Liberty University. But 15 years ago, he was a self-proclaimed sex addict…

He explains how daily masturbation led to sexual fantasies and nearly led to a physical affair.

I think he’s got that slightly twisted around. It’s the sexual fantasies that led to the masturbation. And if he nearly had a physical affair, he probably should have masturbated more than once a day to take the poison out.

Of course, that might have compromised his professional responsibilities, or at least led to some really sticky office hours.

You know, I think there probably are real-life sex addicts, not this guy who just likes to wank it but feels bad about it, but real people who somehow can’t help themselves from having sex when they shouldn’t. These people are called “serial rapists,” especially “serial child rapists,” who seem to genuinely have some kind of debilitating issue that we’d probably call a “disease” if their issue weren’t so horrifying to the rest of us. Doesn’t the Bible have anything to say about the compassionate legal reforms we could make to get child rapists the help they need while still protecting ourselves and our kids from them? Because that would be useful.

I wish this law professor was “brave” enough to tackle that sex addiction, instead of jerking off to his own 12-hour program about masturbatory fantasies that don’t hurt anybody.

LU Law Professor Launches Program to Tackle Sex Addiction [WSET-TV]


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