Food, Law Schools

Lunches And Laptops Follow Up: Students Attempt To Raise $10 Million Dollars To Compensate Victims

I’m starting to think that law schools should just start offering low cost meal plans so that nobody has to bring their lunch. If everybody buys their lunch, then communal fridges are just used for beer and breastmilk, and anybody who steals lunch from a food truck will at least have to lose their wanted level before they can eat in peace.

A couple of days ago, we did a story about one woman’s plea to have her fork and Tupperware returned to her after her lunch was stolen. Yesterday, we did a story on law students starting a fund to compensate a kid who had a laptop stolen. Now… worlds collide and charity funds are springing up for hungry victims of lunch thievery.

As with most everything in life, there’s nothing here that couldn’t be solved with free tacos for everybody…

Northwestern Law, previously known as the capital of the PC Police, has really covered itself in glory this week. While the place is evidently beset by thieving assholes, there are also many charitable sorts at the school willing to help out classmates who have been screwed by other classmates.

Yesterday, we wrote about a kid who had his laptop stolen but couldn’t afford a new one. The students started a fund to buy him a new one, and they’ve already met their goal. Talk about the Northwestern Difference. Here’s the victory message from “1-800-WHY-MEEE”:

Dear Students,

It is hard to believe that we have covered our goal in the amount of $ 1400 in less than 24 hours. It’s just because of you guys out there. I can’t express my feelings in words at this time. Seriously, but I am grateful to all of you. Every penny means a lot to me in recovering my loss. I will post my laptop picture once I get it.


Stephen Colbert would call that the “ATL-bump.”

If it works for laptops, why not lunches?

Fellow classmates,

In the interest of fairness, I’ve created the following website to pay back the students who have recently had their lunches stolen:

Please donate generously (this means you 3Ls who had big firm jobs).

I’ll be dispersing the money solely at my discretion, or I might just use it to buy the victims a shot at bar review, so give accordingly.

The account will remain open for 29 days to reach the goal of $10 million (I accounted for future stolen lunches).

There are actually so many lunch charity funds flying around Northwestern that the president of the SBA is apparently having difficulty distinguishing the real charitable efforts from the sarcastic ones:

Hi Guys,

We are all very sorry for our classmate’s loss and to see this type of thing happen on our campus; that said, we have about five different links for donations going right now and over 50 untagged emails. I’m glad that we have a positive thread going, but I also don’t want to cause additional confusion with several fundraising efforts and some messages getting [spam] filtered and others not.

Let’s slow things down a bit and let [1-800-WHY-MEEE] decide how he would like to track and receive your much-appreciated donations when he is back online. Details will follow later via email.

To all the students willing to chip in, you are awesome. Thanks so much to all of you for your cooperation, and for your efforts to help our classmate out of a difficult situation.

[SBA President]

You know who is not awesome, the Northwestern Law students who are stealing other people’s stuff. Like, if you are the thief sitting there with somebody else’s laptop having just finished off a side salad that you didn’t make, you should feel like a horrible person.

Somebody at NU Law is lucky Norhtwestern is the kind of place where they look to compensate victims. At other law schools, there would be a manhunt on to punish the perpetrators. At other law schools, the community response would be more along the lines of the way this NU Law student reacted:

You haven’t even stolen my lunch yet but if we can’t have faith in the integrity of our common area fridge, then what separates us from the animals?

The only charity top-tier lunch thieves deserve is a quick death.

Earlier: Don’t Even Think About Stealing A Law Student’s Laptop
And Now, A Very Important Message About Lunch
The PC Police Ride Strong at Northwestern

(hidden for your protection)

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