Bad Ideas, Job Searches, Law Schools, Romance and Dating

The Recruiter You Dated At Your Firm Turns Out To Be Crazy, Now What?

Don't have sex with your colleagues, just trust us.

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Don’t date people you work with. Don’t date people you might work with. Don’t date people you are interviewing. Don’t date people you don’t technically work with, but who work for the same company as you do. Don’t date people who you have to see every day on your way to work. Don’t try to get your date a job at your company. Don’t date people who have dated other people at your company. DON’T S**T WHERE YOU EAT!

Why? Because when (not if) it ends, it’s going to end badly. One of you is going to have to quit. And that’s assuming that both of you are reasonable adults. God forbid if one of you happens to be a crazy person. Then, you’re just going to end up with a shattered windshield and a legitimate concern that you need to find a new job for the summer.

Like this guy…

Here’s a thread from Top Law Schools that really should be titled “I should have known better”:

Looking for advice on a tricky situation stemming from OCI. As you all know, the OCI process wrapped up a little bit ago and I was lucky enough to get an offer from a great firm for next summer.

At that firm, I happened to hit it off with one of the girls on the recruiting staff who was mingling with the interviewees during the process. I don’t think anyone noticed but we talked quite a bit that week and really hit it off.

I ended up taking her to dinner several times and we’ve spent a lot of time together since then. Then, earlier this week, we got in a fight that got really bad. I won’t describe the details, but, in the end, she shattered the windshield of my car last night and is threatening to make some wild accusations to the firm that I will be working for next summer.

What should I do without making this worse? Talking to her is out of the question. She could be legitimately dangerous and I am already considering involving the police… Any ideas?

A few points, in no particular order:

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  • I get it. The women who work in law firm recruiting are attractive. Very attractive. Being attractive is part of their job. Nobody says, “Come work for our exciting firm, here’s a 250-pound balding man with translucent skin to tell you more.” The fact that they’re pretty and get paid to be nice to you is no excuse for shacking up with them. That’s just one step up from proposing to a stripper.
  • “I won’t describe the details, but, in the end, she shattered the windshield of my car…” Either you Tiger Woods-ed a woman into losing her mind, or you’ve been dating a chick from World War Z all this time and you didn’t notice. Either way, somehow I don’t think you have clean hands here.
  • If you are going to date a recruiter at your firm, then you must know that you can’t piss her off. Those are the rules. You can piss off the girl you met at church. You can be a bastard to an over-30 unmarried woman who sadly thinks of you as her last shot. But when you date a girl you work with, you are immediately reduced to a married man’s existence. “Yes dear” is your code; “You’re right, I’m sorry” is your response.

Oh, but now you want ideas. Well, you need to find a new job. It’s that simple. There is no 3L recruiting market, so if you don’t get an offer this summer, you are totally screwed. And you can best believe that the girl who smashed your windshield is going to do what she can to prevent you from getting an offer. You’re done at this firm, I hope it was worth it.

In any event, Staci has some thoughts here, because she’s legitimately worried about your safety:

Staci here. Let’s take a step back. A woman you went out with shattered the windshield of your car and you’re… asking the internet for advice. Maybe that’s the reason why you ended up with She-Hulk in the first place. If you screw with the wrong crazy woman, your car will look like Carrie Underwood had a field day with it. Stop asking the internet for help, go to the people who can actually do something about it.

File a report with the police. They’ll be able to help you with the violent lady who knows where you live and where you sleep and where you’re going to be working this summer — you know, the one who decided to end an argument with a tire iron. The internet can only send her so many annoying gifs, but the police can send her a restraining order. Get the law on your side, dumbass.

And if you’re still holding out a hope and a prayer of keeping your job, maybe going to the police is best thing to do. You’ll surely be able to find a way to blame the situation entirely on the recruiter, who seems to be completely whacked out of her mind, and perhaps off her meds. All you did was take this girl to dinner a few times, and look what happened.

She wasn’t your girlfriend, hell, she wasn’t even your f**k buddy (that I know of). If the only thing you put in her mouth was food, then your firm might be understanding. If not, they’ll just laugh at the summer associate who thought he could bang a recruiter like he was a partner.

I think that thinking about this from the standpoint of keeping your job is completely wrong. YOUR JOB IS ALREADY DEAD. All you can do now is start the long process of finding a new one.

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And maybe this time you won’t have sex with your colleagues. God created Match.com for a reason.

UPDATE (11/5/2013, 12:00 p.m.): The original TLS poster now claims that he was just trolling (although query whether he’s just trying to do some CYA). In any event, workplace romances do happen, even if this particular one did not, and we stand by our advice.

Help with law school recruiter problem [Top Law Schools]

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