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Caption Contest Finalists: Biglaw Bonus Blues? Drink Up!

On Monday, we asked readers to submit possible captions for this picture:

Let’s have a look at what our readers came up with, and vote on the finalists…

Here are the finalists for our latest caption contest, which were pretty great (a few with the most “likes” from readers in Disqus, and a few underrated captions that received the most “likes” from yours truly):

A. 1. Give inadequate bonuses.
2. Offer copious amounts of free alcohol at firm holiday party so that lawyers and staff give legitimate reason to be fired avoiding bad press of layoffs.
3. ????
4. PROFIT!!!

B. “Quarterly draws! Quarterly draws, Elie, you boy. The bonus pool is drained dry. I’m so sorry. Here, if you have some billable hours, and I have some partnership shares, and I have a draw. There it is, that’s a draw, you see? You watching? And my draw reaches acroooooooss the conference room, and starts to drink your collections… I… drink… your… bonus! I drink it up!”

C. Your firm has a holiday party? With alcohol?

D. Your firm has a holiday?

E. Also a great opportunity to hook up with a law firm 9 (9 being how many bonus-equivalents you need to drink before she looks hot)… but, who are you to complain, you’re a 12.

F. The office holiday party is scheduled in the office cafeteria from noon to one on December 25. Attendance is mandatory.

G. Do they serve McCallan 25 in a Big Gulp cup?

H. We are pleased to announce the associate drink selection for this year’s holiday party. As in past years, drinks are based on class year and are commensurate with the market. We thank you for your contribution to the firm this year and wish you a very happy holiday.

Class of 2012: Premium Water (Poland Spring)
Class of 2011: Soft Drinks
Class of 2010: Premium Soft Drinks
Class of 2009: Keystone Light & Milwaukee’s Best Ice
Class of 2008: Budweiser
Class of 2007: Yellowtail Cabernet
Class of 2006: Smirnoff
Class of 2005: Jim Beam

I. I think so Brain, but how are we going to get a cup the size of the grand canyon through the office door?

J. Please drink the Kool Aid. And, as your bonus, not everyone’s is poisoned this year!

Would you take your bonus in liquid form? Let’s find out. Please vote for your favorite caption in our poll, which will be open through THURSDAY, DECEMBER 19, at 11:59 P.M. (Eastern time). Thanks!

What is the best caption for this photo?

  • H. (39%, 223 Votes)
  • F. (18%, 105 Votes)
  • B. (8%, 48 Votes)
  • G. (6%, 35 Votes)
  • A. (6%, 35 Votes)
  • D. (6%, 35 Votes)
  • I. (5%, 30 Votes)
  • J. (4%, 24 Votes)
  • C. (4%, 22 Votes)
  • E. (3%, 19 Votes)

Total Voters: 576

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Earlier: Caption Contest: Biglaw Bonus Blues? Drink Up!

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