Some of you are working feverishly right now. But most of you are clock-watching until the dictates of face time allow you to get out of the office. With Christmas and New Year’s falling awkwardly on Wednesdays, very little work is getting done next week or the week after. For some lucky lawyers, this is your last day of work for a week or even two.

To help you waste what’s left of the day, especially for those of you not on Eastern Standard Time, here’s a collection of funny tidbits from around the legal world.

Oh, and Professor Brian Leiter decided to rip Above the Law, so we’re going to talk about that…

First off, America’s favorite nihilism-obsessed[1] law professor, Brian Leiter, took to his blog to talk about how Above the Law is in trouble.

In the words of the Dude:

That ATL is “about to fold” was, of course, fascinating news to those of us who actually work here and have access to the traffic numbers,[2] advertising revenue,[3] and all the stuff that Leiter’s Geocities page doesn’t have to worry about.[4] But much like his arguments in defense of law school, he’s rolling with the “empty sophistry” route. Not such a good approach for a scholarly impact guru. Buck up, Professor Leiter — in the words of Lionel Hutz, hearsay and conjecture are “kinds of evidence.”

This whole affair inspired me to dig out an oldie but goodie from UChilawgo entitled When Someone Teases Leiter On The Internet:

So what prompted Leiter to lash out at us? Was it a laughably transparent attempt to drum up some traffic by forcing ATL to respond? We would never accuse him of that.

It was, by the way.

Moving on, here’s something to keep in mind as you stare down the barrel of another 2700-hour year and try to budget your paltry bonus to cover the law school debt you just logged in to check. You’re a lawyer now… don’t let it get you down:

When I try to think about how this will all be worth it… in 40 years

Just an FYI, this is the image that runs through Michael Simkovic’s head all day long.

Speaking of those 2700 hours you’re going to rack up next year, leave it to science fiction to capture the malaise of Biglaw. Here’s Data:

As I recall (I’m not a huge TNG fan), after that scene Data ends up going bats**t crazy and turning evil or something, which actually makes this more on the nose.

At least you real-life Datas have jobs. From Legal Unemployment:

When A Rejection Letter Closes With, “We’ll Keep You In Mind Should Any Other Positions Become Available”

The always entertaining When In Law School dropping truth:

Getting cold called in class and not knowing the answer.

As a 1L:

As a 3L:

Good luck to Law School Ruined Me. This post is entitled Me vs. Exams:

In case this wasn’t clear. The Hulk is my exams. I am, sadly, Loki.

Sad trombone.

Some trenchant commentary about the criminal justice system, from What the Public Defender:

lacey783 asked: When during jury selection, the judge asks the panel if anyone would be less inclined to believe the testimony of a police officer simply because he is a police officer, and your client raises his hand?

What the hell, let’s give some equal time to the prosecutor’s perspective:

WHEN THE DEFENSE ATTORNEY SAYS THAT THERE WASN’T REALLY ANY “BAD DRIVING” FOR THE DUI CHARGE

And when you watch the video again, it’s like:

Sometimes it takes someone on the outside to see how awful lawyers can be. Diaries of a Law Firm Receptionist provides that window:

Me: Good afternoon, MLKJKKWT Law Firm
Caller: Hi, is so-and-so in?
Me: I haven’t seen him today… but he usually comes in the back door, so—
Caller: Yeah, I’ve heard that about so-and-so.
Me: ……. So…. I’ll have to call back there to find out if he’s in or not…………………………………..

That must have really killed at the frat party in 1958.

What’s this? Could it be video of Elie from our office party?


[1] In case you didn’t know, Professor Leiter is a Nietzsche expert. You see, debt doesn’t exist for the Übermensch. Say what you will about the tenets of National Socialism, Dude, at least it’s an ethos.
[2] Record traffic in 2013, including multiple months of 1 million unique visitors or more. (Thanks, readers!)
[3] Record revenue in 2013, our seventh full year in business. (Thanks, advertisers!)
[4] Like the dozen or so full-time employees here at Above the Law. Our headcount grew in 2013 and will continue to grow in 2014. (Thanks, minions! Oh wait that’s me.)

Earlier: Let’s Waste Some Time On A Friday!
Another Garbage Study Offering Misleading Statistics On The Value Of A Law Degree


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