Non-Sequiturs: 01.03.14

* Chris Gossage, the London solicitor who spilled the beans on J.K. Rowling’s pseudonym for The Cuckoo’s Calling (affiliate link), was fined for breaking a client confidence — making him the first person in 2014 to meet his resolution and lose a significant number of pounds. [Perez Hilton] * How awful are student loan companies? This woman tried to discharge a student loan and was told she spent too much income dining out — referencing a $12 McDonald’s Value Meal for her and her husband. You stay klassy, loan sharks! [New York Times] * Border agents really have something against musical instruments. It all dates back to that one time at band camp when a flute stood them up. [Overlawyered] * A super-affordable tuxedo blazer! [Corporette] * ATMs aren’t all that secure. At least not in Brooklyn. Maybe it was opening ironically…. [Legal Juice] * Donald Looper, the founder of 120-lawyer Looper Reed & McGraw, has stepped away from the firm. Probably to head back in time to prevent the firm from ever existing, because that’s what good Loopers do. [ABA Journal] * A human rights lawyer was kidnapped in Syria and the rebel groups seem to not care even a little bit. [Al-Monitor]