When I got to law school, I thought it would be “College II.” I was good at college. I had figured out how to drink the maximum amount while doing the least amount of work without hurting my transcript.

I don’t mean the sad, old-man drinking that you do in your basement while telling your wife you’re changing a light bulb to get five minutes of blessed peace. I mean the exciting, outside drinking. With friends, and games. In college, I engaged in drinking as a sport, instead of drinking as a medication.

In retrospect, that line between college drinking and adult drinking was crossed sometime during law school. I didn’t recognize it at the time. I played a lot of beer pong in law school and even as an associate. But really, the innocence of drinking “for fun” was lost in law school, and replaced by drinking “professionally.”

And so I look at this “challenge map” for a bar crawl at a respected law school — the bawdy, ridiculous, tempting-the-fates-of-alcohol-poisoning bar crawl challenge — and I think, “Don’t these kids know that they’re already dead?”

Students at Indiana University — Maurer School of Law are having a bar crawl. Good times. But it’s kind of a bar crawl/scavenger hunt, with mass drunkenness as the Easter eggs. Here’s the IU Law “challenge list” (click to enlarge):


As you can see, various challenges get various point totals. Many of them are inside-baseball IU things. For instance, a tipster explains that “Contribute to Upstairs” means:

That challenge (minus the wrong version of to/too/two) is in reference to the Upstairs Pub in Bloomington, Indiana, where patrons (mostly female) remove their underpants and pin them to the ceiling while standing on the bar. http://www.upstairspub.com/

Charming Midwestern values there.

My favorite thing is the point deductions:

Yeah, safety first. Drunk driving should probably be a disqualification, at the very least. And getting arrested shouldn’t be an option for law students who hope to pass character and fitness some day.

And it won’t be. You see, this is the difference between college drinking and law school drinking. People will participate in the reindeer games, but in the back of their minds, there will be the suggestion of control. In college, getting arrested would be a “bonus,” not a deduction. But law school is different. It’s one thing to take your panties off and pin them to a wall. It’s quite another thing to be belligerent to an officer of the law.

It’s called maturity. Good job, IU Law students.

Earlier: Lawyer Gets Wasted, Throws Panties at Police


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