Either you are the type of person who looks at young people in love and thinks “aww… cute,” or you are the type of person who wants to punch those young people in the face.
I’m the latter. One time I was momentarily blocked from exiting the 6 train by two people sharing one set of headphones as they made googly-eyes to each other. The damn cord was right across the exit as the doors opened. I waited a beat, walked right through the cord, ripping the earbuds out of their ears and causing the iPod to fall. The guy didn’t even curse me out, he just rushed over to his girlfriend to make sure she was alright, as if the earbud could have caused permanent damage to her cochlea on the way out. JESUS, I HATED THOSE PEOPLE.
Anyway, if you are the former type of person, you should probably stop reading now. I’m going to smash some earbuds….
A tipster sent in this stupid freaking Facebook status from a law student at the University of Pennsylvania. Before you read it, I advise you to get a convenient receptacle to puke in:
Oh my God, could you please shut the f**k up. You, lady, are the worst. Way worse than Ke$ha. Way worse than syphilis. Way worse than… oh, I’m sorry, is this game not as much fun when you’re not name dropping every accomplishment you’ve ever had?
Meanwhile, the guy responds with the kind of humping excitement of a dog being rewarded for pissing outdoors:
DIE IN A STRUCTURE FIRE! “Zounds! Your strong womanity makes me want to give birth to a universe of love.”
Then the two lovebirds start talking to each other in the comments on their posts!
Let’s fast forward, what, four years later?
Chris Rock says, “People say life is short. No it ain’t. Life is long, especially if you make the wrong decisions.”
In any event, good luck kids. I wish you all the freaking happiness in the world.