That’s what an attorney for The Dirty is saying in a letter that TMZ calls “the most sarcastic letter we’ve ever seen in the 9 years of TMZ.” The Dirty may be best known among our readers from the ongoing Sarah Jones saga, in which a former Cincinnati Bengals cheerleader turned high school teacher was convicted of sleeping with her student and sued The Dirty after the site claimed she’d slept with every member of the Bengals team. Which was obviously false, because when Jones worked there the Bengals were incapable of scoring like that.

Now The Dirty provoked the ire of Casper Smart, Jennifer Lopez’s ex. Smart has generated a lot of rumor-mongering over the past few weeks, with the most salacious starting in the comments section of The Dirty, where two transsexuals claimed they hooked up with Smart. J.Lo’s love may not cost a thing, but that love might cost a J.Lo — or so the argument goes.

Smart says this isn’t true and did what any self-respecting quasi-celebrity would do: he wrote a threatening letter to The Dirty. The Dirty’s counsel responded with all the sarcastic righteous rage you’d expect….

Casper Smart’s lawyer, Cris Armenta, best known for her representation of the actress in that anti-Islam movie that kicked off protests outside American embassies across the Muslim world, wrote The Dirty a letter threatening legal action. Here’s how The Dirty’s lawyer, David Gingras, characterized Armenta’s letter:

We are well aware that this is not the first time you been [sic] revealed to have made false and defamatory statements … [bunch of garbage re: Sarah Jones case]. So, clearly, this is not your first time at the defamation rodeo.

Speaking of that anti-Muslim movie, remember that time in the presidential debates when Romney was going off on President Obama’s description of the events surrounding the Benghazi attack (the same day that movie was sparking protests outside every other embassy in the Muslim world) and Obama dropped that stone-cold, “please proceed, Governor” line? And you just knew the hammer was about to drop? This feels like that moment:

Well yee haw! You’re darn tootin’ Cowgirl — this isn’t our first time at the rodeo! But since this apparently is your first time, let me set the record straight for you on a few things.

Regarding the tragic case of the cheerleader-tumed-convicted-felon Sarah Jones, I regret to inform you that the plaintiff’s bar is going to need to find a different weapon for trampling the First Amendment while gleefully milking thousands of dollars in fees from their hapless clients. This is so because yesterday the Sixth Circuit Court of Appeals reversed the judgment in favor of Ms. Jones and held — unanimously — that Mr. Richie and Dirty World are entitled to immunity under the Communications Decency Act, exactly as I have been saying for the last five years. See Jones v. Dirty World, LLC, — F.3d —-, 2014 WL 2694184 (6th Cir. June 16, 2014).

D’oh!

Now, let’s go back to first year of law school for a moment, shall we? And to make this really easy for you, let’s assume that the CDA doesn’t exist, OK? As any first year law student outside of Kentucky could tell you, defamation is never a strict liability tort.

Dealing with the Sarah Jones case has really soured him on Northern Kentucky, huh?

It’s definitely sarcastic and a thoroughly enjoyable read. No disrespect to the good people of TMZ, though, but “the most sarcastic letter”? We’ve had a few gems that I think top this one. I mean, did they not read SCOTUS litigator Tom Goldstein’s epic defense of throwing porn actresses off roofs? Because that was pure gold.

There’s a lot more to enjoy in this letter — reproduced on the following pages — but for my money it all comes down to the fact that it closes with one of the greatest exploitations of clipart ever.

Ever….


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