Pornography, Sex, Sports

The End Of Amateurism?

Juggalo Law sent us this shortly after the decision came down in the O'Bannon case. He swears that it's all true and we don't have the fact checking department to say otherwise. Enjoy.

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“For sure. It’s the first time I’ve ever followed a court case. Because, I mean, it effects me personally, y’know?”

Scarlett was fiddling with a dildo the size of my arm when she explained to me how the industry felt about it.

“As far as I can tell, and I’m no lawyer, but as far as I can tell? This O’Bannon stuff means amateur pornography is over.”

The student-actress spoke into the webcam with a surprising confidence as she slowly gyrated her waifish body.

“Maybe I won’t make a ton of money. Won’t become rich like the stars do. But it sure would make getting through school easier. Which, I mean, all the producers say that’s what they’re trying to help me with. School.”

“And here’s another thing I think,” she said, her hands now doing something that could only be described as anything but professional.

“I believe in the ideal of amateurism. In the notion of ‘Hey, this is me and this is my real boyfriend and we aren’t getting paid for this.’ I believe in that. But I also could use a bit of money. To buy books. And food. Maybe more lube.” At this, the show stopped and she quickly covered up, suddenly demure and pitiful.

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One of the producers of such amateur pornography is Kenny Wilkinson, of Tallahassee. A heavyset manchild of 27, Wilkinson has, by his account, made “hella loot” producing amateur pornography for various websites. His reading of the O’Bannon decision is a nuanced one.

“It sucks balls. These girls are college students. They’re innocent and pure and hungry. You take away that hunger, you take away any ambition to finish school. You take away any ambition to finish school, you got yourself a dropout. Dropout becomes a meth addict and you can say sayonara to any sort of positive contribution to society. Incidentally, lotta these girls end up being meth addicts anyway. So… I mean, you can see what’ll happen without the hunger.”

Wilkinson says he’s sympathetic to the economic argument at the heart of the O’Bannon decision, but says not everything can be boiled down to dollars and cents.

“Money’s money and that’s all good and s**t, but what about the lessons these girls can learn while shaving their pubes in front of an audience? I’m not just a producer. I’m a teacher, a friend. These whores makes more money than me and how long do you think they listen to their teacher? F**k…”

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One man who has watched his fair share of pube-shaving is Frank Slattern. A former partner at the law firm Dewey & Leboeuf, Slattern has one of the largest collections of amateur pornography in the world, located on his home computer in a folder named “Tax Return FY 2007.”

Slattern explained his fears thusly:

“I had a membership at one of these professional outfits years back. This was two or three marriages ago. Anyway, this site paid its performers a good wage. And you know what that got you? Lazy, listless play. I mean, these gals were amazingly talented, don’t get me wrong. But they were pros. They just didn’t try as hard as an amateur would. In it for a paycheck, I guess.”

“We need an antitrust jurisprudence that accounts for the ineffable magic you feel in your cock when a girl-next-door type gets one in her butt and one in her mouth and there’s a third friend just filming and maybe you don’t know why that third guy is just filming this thing, but you don’t care because not everything needs to make sense in this world, right?”

Despite his fears about the end of amateurism, Slattern said he would continue to consume sickening amounts of pornography. But he didn’t know what that grotesque consumption would look like.

“It reminds me of that movie The Candidate where Redford is all like ‘What do we do now?’ Well, the future is a lot like that movie: not a single f**king amateur tit to be seen.”

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