The Greatest Lawyer Letter Ever? The ATL Lawyer Letter Bracket -- Day 4

The final pair of matchups for the first round of the ATL Lawyer Letter Bracket.

Now for the last 4 contenders in our lawyer letter bracket. Be sure to check out the previous three installments where polls are still active for another week. Here’s Day 1Day 2, and Day 3. As of right now, there are a pair of upsets in the offing.

Let’s see how the final tally turns out next week when we begin the Elite Eight….

No. 1 — A Great Response to a Cease and Desist Letter

The most read lawyer letter in ATL history. When the town of West Orange, New Jersey, was less than pleased with Jake Freivald, a local who maintained westorange.info, a website with basic information about West Orange. The city government wrote Jake a threatening cease and desist letter. And that’s when Freivald’s attorney Stephen B. Kaplitt, took off the gloves and wrote a comic masterpiece:

Not that we didn’t get the joke… but since Mr. Freivald not previously encountered a humorous lawyer, he actually thought your letter may have been a serious effort by the Township to protect its legitimate interests. Rest assured, I’ve at least convinced him that it was certainly not some impulsive, ham-fisted attempt to bully a local resident solely because of his well-known political views. After all, as lawyers you and I both know that would be flagrantly unconstitutional and would also, in the words of my 4-year-old, make you a big meanie.

No. 16 — Cease And Desist Letter of the Day: Captain Jack Doesn’t Need Mean Lawyers

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Cease and desist letters are usually mean-spirited, thinly-veiled threats from powerful entities to unassuming everyday folks. Sometimes there’s a real, honest to Murgatroyd legal infringement. Other times, there isn’t. But the cease and desist is still going to be mean-spirited. Unless you’ve violated the intellectual property of a well-known purveyor of spirits. When Jack Daniel’s had to send out a cease and desist letter to an author who adapted the famous label design for the cover of his book, rather than get mad, Jack Daniel’s wrote back something… entirely reasonable, actually.

No. 8 — Now THIS Is a Great Settlement Offer Letter

Former big leaguer Jack Clark accused Albert Pujols of using steroids. Albert Pujols sued Jack Clark — though Pujols used his full name of “Jose Alberto Pujols Alcantara” in the suit. Jack Clark’s lawyer was pretty confident that his client did nothing wrong so he decided to write a settlement letter:

(g) If Mr. Clark is found to be deceptive and Mr. Alcantara is found to not be deceptive, Mr. Clark will climb to the highest mount in a loin cloth (read: issue a public statement) fully retracting all objectionable statements, apologizing to the world, and promising never to prospectively cast Mr. Alcantara in any disparaging light to dispose of the case;

No. 9 — Patent Attorney Mad As Hell and Not Going To Take It (From the USPTO) Anymore

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Andrew Schroeder does not like the USPTO. Among his complaints:

Are you drunk? No, seriously… are you drinking scotch and whiskey with a side of crack cocaine while you “examine” patent applications? (Heavy emphasis on the quotes.) Do you just mail merge rejection letters from your home? Is that what taxpayers are getting in exchange for your services? Have you even read the patent application? I’m curious. Because you either haven’t read the patent application or are… (I don’t want to say the “R” word) “Special.”

And that’s just the beginning.

Voting time! The voting for this round (including the last two weeks of posts) will remain open until August 18, at 11:59 p.m. After that, we’ll be able to publish the results of all four weeks of round 1 matchups and move into the Elite Eight.

Which Is The Better Lawyer Letter?

  • No. 1 -- A Great Response to a Cease and Desist Letter (74%, 222 Votes)
  • No. 16 -- Cease And Desist Letter of the Day: Captain Jack Doesn’t Need Mean Lawyers (26%, 80 Votes)

Total Voters: 302

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Which Is The Better Lawyer Letter?

  • No. 9 -- Patent Attorney Mad As Hell and Not Going To Take It (From the USPTO) Anymore (55%, 149 Votes)
  • No. 8 -- Now THIS Is a Great Settlement Offer Letter (45%, 124 Votes)

Total Voters: 273

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As always, you can read full copies of the letters on the next few pages….

Earlier: No. 1 — A Great Response to a Cease and Desist Letter
No. 16 — Cease And Desist Letter of the Day: Captain Jack Doesn’t Need Mean Lawyers
No. 8 — Now THIS Is a Great Settlement Offer Letter
No. 9 — Patent Attorney Mad As Hell and Not Going To Take It (From the USPTO) Anymore