Need A Lawyer? Call The Law Hawk!

The talons of justice patrol Texas.

I’m not gonna lie, I think this is the best solo practitioner YouTube ad ever. The other ones, the ones strange or ridiculous enough to make this site or be aired during the Super Bowl, don’t impress me. They’re fun, sure. But they smell of slightly unhinged people desperate to get attention. I wouldn’t hire those people.

I would hire the Law Hawk. The Law Hawk looks hardworking. The Law Hawk looks tenacious. The Law Hawk doesn’t take himself too seriously, he takes your rights too seriously! The Law Hawk is good-looking, and I don’t generally think white people are good looking….

Here’s the ad:

TALONS OF JUSTICE! Comically unbreakable tree branches of truth! Does he use the Texas accented Batman voice in the courtroom? He’s the Law Hawk! He’s NOT WEARING HOCKEY PADS, YOUR HONOR! Yes I would hire the Law Hawk, and I hope they burn in hell!

Look, joking aside, what the f**k do you want Bryan E. Wilson to do? He’s a newly minted lawyer from Texas Tech law school. I don’t think Exxon was breaking down his door offering him hundreds of thousands of dollars to hone his skills coding documents in a windowless office. Nobody is going to hold his hands, err, talons, and teach him the way things are done in this stodgy-ass profession. There’s nothing wrong with this ad. It’s memorable, but not crazy, and “law hawk” is a lot easier to remember than Blow, Hooker & Asup, Attorneys At Law.

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And oh, by the way, while kicking a police officer’s laptop is likely to land a lawyer in jail, a “hunch” is not probable cause. And we absolutely need talented lawyers patrolling our police officers.

I’ll go this far, if you are going to Texas Tech (or similar) Law School, you should want to be this guy. The Law Hawk should be your freaking spirit animal. People who go to middling law schools because they want to be Supreme Court justices are screwed. People who go to middling law schools because they can’t think of anything better to do are screwed. People who go to middling law schools because they want to get out on the streets and serve clients are the ones who make it. You can’t go to those schools and hope for a job to swoop in and save you from debt, you have to hunt the job yourself. Hawk-style.

The next time I go to Texas, Texas (as opposed to the safe cocoon of Austin, Texas), I’m putting the Law Hawk into my contacts. As a guy said on YouTube, it’d almost be worth getting arrested to have this guy defend me.

Bryan Wilson – TEXAS LAW HAWK [YouTube]

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