Legal Ethics

Attorney Facing Suspension Has Nude Pics Past

Look, I get the inherent appeal of a chronological narrative, but sometimes you just need to lead with your big guns. Like nude pics.

By  
on

So I’m perusing these Missouri disciplinary filings to see if there’s anything fun in there. It’s your run-of-the-mill commingling stuff. Ho hum. But then it starts going through all the guy’s prior infractions. Look, I get the inherent appeal of a chronological narrative, but sometimes you just need to lead with your big guns. Like nude pics.

Let’s recreate the experience of reading this brief. David R. Swimmer practices in Missouri. His Avvo client review is “Keep your money, he not worth $400 per hour,” which is so damning it doesn’t even require proper grammar. In addition to seriously irking at least one former client, Swimmer has managed to get himself hauled into a disciplinary proceeding. When it came time to write the Information, the Informant’s counsel decided to take us down memory lane.

Respondent has a significant disciplinary history.

OK.

On June 25, 1992, Respondent was admonished for (1) failing to communicate to a client that Respondent intended to receive one-third of the insurance proceeds as a component of his contingent fee…

Blah blah blah.

On September 10, 1992, Respondent was admonished for (1) incompetent handling of an independent adoption and (2) misrepresenting a material fact to the court in violation of Rules 4-1.1, 4-3.3(a)(1), and 4-8.4(d).

Sponsored

It’s not just that he went a mere 2 and a half months between admonishings, it’s that after two smackdowns in a matter of 10 weeks, no one had the foresight to just pull the plug on the guy then. Could have saved us all considerable trouble.

January 26, 1995, Respondent was admonished for (1) holding back a portion of settlement proceeds to pay the bill of a treating doctor, (2) not paying the doctor, and (3) commingling the monies held back with Respondent’s personal funds in the client trust account in violation of Rules 1.15(a) and (b) and 4-8.1(b).

Nesting dolls of violations.

On August 29, 1996, Respondent was admonished for charging his clients an additional $400 to conclude a guardianship, a task which was contemplated by Respondent in the original contingency fee agreement in violation of Rules 4-1.15(c), 4-1.4, and 4-1.5.

Another year, another formal admonishing. But he still keeps on being a lawyer. Really, is anyone minding the disciplinary store over there? There’s nothing too crazy here — some shadiness when it comes to money — but when infractions keep piling up, someone in a position of authority really should take note.

Sponsored

On May 1, 2000…

Four whole years without getting called to the principal’s office? A personal best for this guy! What’d he do this time?

Respondent was admonished for “using [his] law office as a studio to take nude photographs of a client…”

I’m sorry, what?

In your role as an attorney representing clients in personal injury cases, it is completely inappropriate for you to ask your client to disrobe so that you can look more closely at any of their alleged injuries. Such conduct would indicate that you have some type of advanced medical knowledge when in actuality your request for these women to disrobe in your office is in furtherance of your own interests.

There are more violations in later years, but I think we can drop the mic here.

How extensive were these injuries that anyone was buying this?

Client: I broke my arm.
Lawyer: Well, let’s have a look. First, let’s get those panties off!

I guess it is the Show Me State. If duping women out of their clothes were this easy in Ohio, you wouldn’t have to hypnotize them.

Nonetheless, for all future drafters of disciplinary filings: don’t bury the lede. Just go ahead and start with “using [his] law office as a studio to take nude photographs of a client.” No one’s going to pay attention to anything else anyway and if you’re trying to establish, “hey, isn’t it about time we punish this guy?” you don’t need much more.

If you want to see the whole filing, including the other violations he got tagged with after his Bob Guccione turn (and of course there were more) head over to the next page….

Earlier: Lawyer Accused Of Hypnotizing Clients Into Sex Acts

1 2Next »

Topics

, ,