Drinking

Lawyer Proposes Worst Solution To Drunk Driving Ever

Drunk driving is serious. This solution is not.

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Criminy:

Students who admit to their habit of driving buzzed or drunk — and are willing to write about it — could receive a $1,000 college scholarship this spring.

Christian Schwaner, a private defense attorney in Colorado Springs, launched the First Step Scholarship this fall in an effort to decrease the number of high school students driving under the influence of drugs or alcohol.

Slow clap.

If kids are out there driving drunk, surely the solution is giving them beer money.

“I was trying to find what might be something that is a light-bulb moment for these kids,” Schwaner said. “Self-admission and self-education are very powerful tools.”

Yeah. Except the light-bulb moment for the kid will be, “Hey, I could go all A Million Little Pieces about crashing a car into a ditch after a couple of wine coolers and this guy might give me $1000!” It’s not like there aren’t a plethora of first-hand accounts of drunk driving that a student could convincingly crib.

At least one observer has reservations:

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Colorado State Patrol spokesman Trooper Nate Reid said he supports any attempt to reduce the number of people who drive under the influence of drugs or alcohol, but he urges caution in creating any incentives for underage drinking.

Oh come now. Anyone entering this contest has either already driven drunk or is lying. There aren’t many method writers running out there to drive drunk for the first time just to capture an air of realism. The problem with this contest isn’t incentivizing drunk driving as much as doing… nothing.

Schwaner, who has not yet received any applications, said he knows the scholarship “isn’t perfect.”

Ya think?

Oh well. His heart’s in the right place. So if you’re looking to apply for this scholarship — and really, truly meet the qualifications — applications can be found here and must be submitted by May 1.

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Scholarship for Colorado students who admit to drinking and driving [Denver Post]

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