Non-Sequiturs: 01.09.15

* Ted Cruz Goes To Jury Duty is the Ernest Goes To Camp of a new generation. [NBC News] * Former Judge Mike Maggio has graced our pages with his disgrace before when he admitted to making racist and sexist remarks about Charlize Theron's adoption. Well, he just pleaded guilty to federal bribery charges. Looks like he'll Geaux to prison. [Arkansas Times] * Faced with allegations that it discriminated against a trans woman, Saks takes the curious legal stance that it had the legal right to discriminate. I'd say that takes balls, but... [Slate] * A hearing board in Illinois just recommended a one-year suspension of former Sidley Austin and present DLA Piper attorney Lee Smolen. Maybe he could spend that time with his kids. [Legal Profession Blog] * Fourth Circuit rules that you can't set up unconstitutional barriers to abortion. Nothing to do with the woman's rights of course, but because it might impact the doctor's free speech. [Dorf on Law] * Fired for wife-swapping. [Lowering the Bar] * Jones Day accuses a federal judge of bias in benchslap appeal. Meanwhile, trial lawyers are filing amicus briefs backing the judge. [ACEDS] * Technology and outsourcing have totally jacked the careers of Biglaw associates. You already knew this, but now there's a paper! [TaxProf Blog]