Contract Attorneys

The 5 Worst People To Sit Next To On A Doc Review Project

Not all seats are created equal. There's the critical matter of who you sit next to.

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There are often striking similarities between the first day of a new document review project and the first day of school. Vague apprehension, hoping you see a familiar face in the crowd, and praying that the teacher project manager isn’t a big meanie. Too often you find the project manager is only too happy to infantilize you as they walk in with the dreaded seating chart. Listen — where you sit is an important element of any work situation, and when you have the small dignity of choosing where that is taken away it only reinforces the powerlessness of your situation as a contract attorney.

Not all seats are created equal. There’s the critical matter of who you sit next to.  Maybe it seems petty, but spending 10 hours a day next to a person whose voice is like nails on a chalkboard isn’t anyone’s idea of a good time. Over at Buzzfeed they’ve chronicled the types of people you come across on doc review projects. Some of these are pretty familiar, but so many projects are fundamentally the same, it isn’t surprising. But how does it affect your life when forced to sit next to these stereotypes? I weigh in with my rankings of the 5 worst people you may have to sit next to on your next project.

5- The Self-Appointed Project Manager

“I’m way better than these other reviewers,” thinks the Self-Appointed Project Manager. “I’m even better than the actual PM who is currently running the case. Once I start taking over, maybe the company will realize my potential and make me the PM.” This reviewer will start bossing everyone else around within 24 hours of being on the project and will try to become the real PM’s right-hand man.

Maybe it’s a pet peeve, but anyone who acts like they have more power than they actually have is incredibly annoying. It reinforces the school analogy to have a teachers pet try and boss you around. You’re no better than the rest of us slobs, so sit down and shut up. On the other hand, I have seen this type cross over into full time work. What used to be your bossy seat-mate is now the project manager. Sigh.

4- The Power Lawyer

“So what if I’ve never actually worked at a law firm or been inside a court room,” thinks the Power Lawyer. “I went to law school and this makes me a Big Deal.” Without fail, this reviewer will come into work dressed in a suit everyday, even on casual Fridays.

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Pump the brakes there Clarence Darrow. You may be trying to dress for the job you want (read: actual attorney), but to the rest of us here at the job you have you just look like a tool.

3- The Part Time Solo

“I’m definitely a real lawyer,” thinks the Part Time Solo. “I had three clients last year and one of them actually paid me. So what if the other two were pro bono family members.” This reviewer will sometimes insist on taking phone calls from their ‘clients’ in the review room just so they can give really loud legal advice in front of everyone else.

Listen, I get it. Times are tough, and if you’re trying to make it as a solo practitioner while using doc review to pay the bills, who am I to judge? But jeez use a little discretion when balancing all your roles. And when you get burnt out trying to make a go of your “real” legal career, document review will still be there for you… you are one of us.

2- The Conspiracy Theorist

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“All of the employees of this company are hiding something,” thinks the Conspiracy Theorist. “This isn’t just a lunch date auto-reminder e-mail. This is obviously a collusion to defraud the client.” Thanks to this reviewer, the protocol went from five pages to fifteen within the first week.

Shut up, shut up, shut up. The whole room groans when this person asks a question, and having a front row seat to this lunacy isn’t fun. This person just doesn’t understand how infrequently you need to think in doc review. Take your $27 (if you’re lucky) an hour and put your brain on a vacay.

1- The Chatterbox

“Conversation makes the world go round,” thinks the Chatterbox. But the PM thinks otherwise. This reviewer will constantly chat up all of the other reviewers without filtering anything that comes into his head. As a result, the PM will begin a campaign of e-mail reminders to the whole review team about ‘focus’ and ‘talking in the review room.’ Some of the other reviewers will start actively avoiding this reviewer, especially in the kitchen.

I know what you’re thinking, “Surely some idle chatter makes the day go by a little faster, Alex — you’re just being a hater.” But this gets the top spot as the worst person to sit next to because, fundamentally, the Chatterbox requires someone to chatter to, and as their next-door neighbor you’re directly in the line of fire. It only compounds the issue when this “idle chatter” become disruptive and the project managers feel the need to exert their control over the room. Once the switch is flipped and the manager feels the need to become the school marm of the review room even innocuous behaviors become suspect and the experience become miserable for everyone.

The Ten Types Of People You Meet Doing Doc Review [Buzzfeed]

Earlier: 7 Tips For New Contract Attorneys
5 Things I Hate About Doc Reviewers
Crossing The Rubicon Of Full-Time Document Review Work

Alex Rich is a T14 grad and Biglaw refugee who has worked as a contract attorney for the last 7 years… and counting. If you have a story about the underbelly of the legal world known as contract work, email Alex at alexrichesq@gmail.com and be sure to follow Alex on Twitter @AlexRichEsq

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