Biglaw Mommy: Privacy Please

Biglaw, why not just let us lock our doors and keep working? We can bill and breastfeed at the same time, if only you’ll let us.

Readers, a warning: This post will liberally invoke a word that frequently makes people a) uncomfortable and/or b) giggle. That word is “breast.” More specifically, “breastfeeding.” I know it’s not a word that you come across often on Above the Law, although I ran a search and discovered that there have in fact been a number of posts containing the word “breastfeeding”— including this very interesting post from Elie Mystal questioning whether women in Biglaw should breastfeed their babies. Thanks, Elie, for setting my stage.

Breastfeeding has been a loaded topic of late. It seems like every time I turn on the news or open Yahoo (yup, I read Yahoo news) there’s a story about a woman who was asked to leave Starbucks because she wanted to feed her baby and have coffee at the same time, or someone complaining on a flight because the woman next to him has a blanket covering her, and under that blanket are BOOBS feeding a BABY. Breastfeeding seems to make the world uncomfortable, and the world has no problem trying to shut it down.

It’s kind of nuts that there’s all this social hostility towards breastfeeding, when at the same time, new moms are hit over the head by, well, everyone, that BREAST IS BEST. It starts in the hospital — I think every single nurse raved about the miraculous properties of breast milk — and is carried on even by random strangers who come up to you when you’re looking at formula brands in Buy Buy Baby and inform you that “that stuff is basically toxic… BREAST IS BEST.” So, we’re “killing” our babies if we don’t breastfeed, but we better not breastfeed anywhere where anyone could see us doing anything that looks like it MIGHT be breastfeeding. So… we stay in the house for however long we decide to continue nursing our babies? What a modern notion. I actually heard someone on the radio suggest recently that a woman breastfeeding her baby in a restaurant take the baby into the bathroom and feed him/her on the toilet. That sounds pleasant. And sanitary.

The fact that there’s all this pressure about breastfeeding — in both directions– makes it an incredibly emotional endeavor for new mothers. And those emotions (and, let’s be honest, raging hormones) are exacerbated when new moms go back to work. Some of you out there might not realize that when you’re breastfeeding, the vast majority of maternity leave is spent with a baby attached to you. Days are structured around feedings, which can take up to an hour and happen literally every 1.5-3 hours, around the clock. Then, in what feels like no time at all, your leave is up, you head back to the office, and if you want to keep breastfeeding, you somehow try to find a way to sustain that grueling and time-consuming feeding schedule while simultaneously billing 10 (or more) hours a day. For many women, including me, all of this happens while you’re still incredibly sad about leaving your baby before you really feel ready to. (And the hormones. Oh, the hormones.)

All of this is enough to test even the most hardcore Biglaw lawyers. I almost considered switching to formula because the notion of simultaneously pumping in the office and meeting my hours requirement seemed so daunting. But, “breast is best,” and besides which, lawyers are notoriously type-A control freaks who are terrified of failure, including failing at breastfeeding for the recommended first year of a child’s life. I was determined to make it work, which is why it almost pushed me over the edge when I learned that my firm’s policy was not to provide associates with locks on their doors — but don’t worry, there’s a “mother’s room” on the 37th floor and it’s “very private.” Except that my office is on the 32nd floor. And I was pumping three times a day when I came back, and it takes about 20 minutes to pump each time. So that, plus time to travel from 32 to 37, assemble the pump, disassemble the pump, carry the pieces to the sink, wash, get back to my desk, then repeat? In a room with no computer or phone, where I can’t do any work? We’re talking about an hour and a half of my day, and when you’re on flex time, you do not have an hour and a half of non-billable time to spare.

So, like many women, I pumped at my desk. That way I could keep everything in one place and keep working while the pump did its work. I made a big “DO NOT ENTER” sign for my door and prayed. And it seemed to be going well, until (inevitably) a partner developed sign-blindness and walked right in. Of course, the shock of that invasion causes the inevitable flailing around trying to cover yourself, which just causes… a mess. It’s not pretty. I’m not sure that partner has recovered (although he was very much a gentleman about it). I certainly haven’t. And this trauma could have been avoided by a $20 lock on the door, which is most assuredly against firm policy.

Going back to work is very difficult for most new moms, Biglaw is generally acknowledged to be more stressful than most jobs, breastfeeding is an extremely loaded and emotional process, and it wouldn’t surprise me if the stress of all of this is a contributing factor to Biglaw moms throwing in the towel, or at least an early step down that road. The experience of pumping at work is a very in-your-face reminder of how difficult it is to “have it all.” Sadly, I know that associates at law firms actually have it pretty good. Most women in this country likely do not work in places that offer private space of any kind, although fortunately laws are emerging to require accommodations to make it easier for women to pump in the workplace — New York, for example, requires employers to provide breastfeeding women with reasonable breaks during the day to express breast milk. (Whether these laws are being followed is a separate concern.)

Sponsored

But Biglaw associates also work in an industry where the billable hour reigns supreme. And for many new moms, it’s hard enough to make our hours. Asking us to spend that hour and a half every day just going back and forth to the lactation room, where we can’t actually do any work, is in no one’s best interest. Biglaw, why not just let us have the lock and keep working? We can bill and breastfeed at the same time, if only you’ll let us. Besides which, everyone knows that the “mother’s room” is really where associates go to take naps and store beer in the mini-fridge. Or maybe that’s just my firm. (Just kidding… I think.)


Mommy Dear, Esq. is a senior Biglaw associate in NYC by day and a new mommy by evening, weekend, and 3:30 a.m. She’s currently trying to “have it all,” “lean in,” and sometimes even cook dinner. Mommy Dear, Esq. is very, very tired. You can email her at mommydearesq@gmail.com.

Sponsored