Small Law Firms

The Arrogant Lawyer’s Guide To A Successful Practice

Want to have a "successful" practice? Then you probably shouldn't follow any of this advice.

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Ed. note: Gary J. Ross was busy attending the ATL Converge Conference this week, so he didn’t get a chance to write his weekly column. Filling in just this once is Mr. Arrogant Lawyer, who has somehow found time in his busy schedule to deign to share a few tips for building a successful law practice.

  • Office Space. Right off the bat, get the largest office you can find. Don’t worry about cost: think big! From day one, you want to be able impress your clients with your exquisite taste. Clients will be putty in your hands once they see your office’s Colonial raised wood paneling, inlaid Turkish parquet floor tiles, new-smell oak furniture, and 19th-century oil landscape paintings. To show off your new digs, eschew phone consultations and insist all potential clients meet you in your office.
  • Know Your Client. Give the client what she needs, not what she asks for. She may have asked for an email with a few bullets on which financials she should provide her investors, but what she really needs is a 15-page memo covering every contingency, even those that may not occur until the next Ice Age. Your client will appreciate your thoroughness, and will gladly set aside the time required to read your penetrating analysis and description of the pertinent regulatory background. And such a valuable treatise is certainly worth your client opening up her checkbook. After all, just because you’re not in Biglaw doesn’t mean you can’t bill like you’re in Biglaw!
  • Respond When Ready. Return phone calls and emails when you darn well please. You’ll signal how important and busy you are by waiting a few days to return messages. You don’t want to give the impression you don’t have anything to do.
  • Assign Blame. Figure out who’s at fault for any mistakes you happen to have been tricked into making. It’s not blaming others as much as it is simply explaining the situation thoroughly. For example, you may need to explain to your client the only reason you missed the deadline is because the idiot at the country club overserved you the night before the motion was due. She’ll understand.
  • Network. Make the most of networking events. When you show up at an event, ask for work straightaway. Don’t bother with small talk. Get in, make your pitch, and then get out. And since you don’t want to waste valuable time by listening to other attendees, cut them off immediately. They can go back to their feeble story after you’ve moved on. Remember, the goal is to show how important and busy you are.
  • Mentors. Don’t bother with mentors. You know yourself best, so rely on yourself to figure things out. You’d just have to ignore the person’s advice anyway, so why bother? You didn’t get where you are today by listening to others.
  • Follow-up on Referral Requests. Scold people who aren’t referring work to you. If it’s already been a couple of weeks and your college buddy has yet to refer you even one simple matter, it’s time to let him know how disappointed you are in him. I mean, what’s the holdup? Doesn’t he remember all those times you held his legs as he was doing keg-stands?

If you follow these tips diligently and ignore all other advice, I can promise you that you will have the law practice that you know in your heart you deserve!

Gary will be back next week, with his mundane ruminations on the difference between Biglaw and SmallLaw. Yawn.

Gary J. Ross opened his own practice, Jackson Ross PLLC, in 2013 after several years in Biglaw and the federal government. Gary handles corporate and compliance matters for investment funds, small businesses, and non-profits, occasionally dabbling in litigation. You can reach Gary by email at Gary.Ross@JacksonRossLaw.com.

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