Biglaw, Kids

Biglaw Mommy: Being A Junior Mommy

Is it possible for a woman to start a career as a junior associate in Biglaw when she just had a baby and still achieve some semblance of balance?

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I confess: The last few weeks have kicked my ass, both mommy- and lawyer-wise. It’s funny because I’ve consistently been getting emails from people asking how I was finding time to do it all, and this is the first week when I asked myself the same question and came up short. So, rather than write the column that I intended (which I fully intend to write in the future and which I hope will be very inspiring and helpful), I’m going to instead present a question that I received from a very nice reader and my response, which I’m not actually very happy with — not because I didn’t make an effort to respond thoughtfully and thoroughly, but because it’s a somewhat pessimistic response to a problem that I can’t come up with a better solution to. It’s my hope that in sharing it with all of you, in addition to highlighting an issue that I think deserves attention, I may actually get some helpful feedback.

It’s been my goal with this column to shed light on issues faced by working mothers (parents) and offer what I hope are helpful ideas on relatively small changes we can make in Biglaw that would allow mothers to successfully navigate motherhood and a Biglaw career. I’ve shared my opinion that if partners are willing to offer up a little confidence and trust, working mothers can maintain flexible schedules that leave room for both motherhood and lawyering. I believe all that.

The question that this particular reader posed was whether I thought it would be similarly possible for a woman to start a career as a junior associate in Biglaw when she had just had a baby and still achieve some semblance of balance. She also asked how I thought being a mom might affect people’s perceptions of her as a junior associate just getting started in Biglaw. Going back and reading my response, I’m a little bit depressed, although I can see that I tried to keep it upbeat. (I’ve cleaned up the email and generalized it a bit, but maintained the general spirit.)

I’ll say that while my experience has been very positive so far, there are a couple of big things to consider. One is that your experience in Biglaw will depend so much on the people you work with/for (regardless of which firm you end up at). I happen to work with pretty cool people, for the most part. They’re definitely not perfect, but they are among the more progressive and accommodating Biglaw partners I’ve worked with. Based on what I’ve heard from others in different situations, if you’re unlucky in who you end up with, it can make all the difference.

The second issue is, as you pointed out, I’m coming at this from having worked in Biglaw for a number of years and then having a baby. I honestly think this is the biggest difference for someone in your situation. I had years to build up goodwill and trust, and I think that’s really what has allowed my situation to work out as well as it has. When you’re first starting out as a junior associate, there’s a general assumption that you’re there to be dumped on. Even the coolest senior associates and partners rely on juniors to pick up the slack regardless of their workload, volunteer for the worst assignments, and be available when the seniors and partners don’t want to be (primarily nights and weekends). That’s just the nature of being a junior, and I had that experience just like everyone else. Would it be different if you came in with a baby? Maaaaaaybe, but that’s a big maybe. I honestly think you would have to get very lucky and land in a good situation with understanding people, and I hate to say it, but there aren’t enough of them out there.

I don’t want to be totally negative. I think it’s doable, but it depends a lot on other factors in your life. You said your husband works [long hours]. Obviously, raising a baby is more challenging when both parents work difficult jobs with long hours. I personally feel strongly that one parent had to be home at least sometimes. I also don’t know what your support network is like. If you have a lot of family around, for example, who can step in when you need them, it might be way more feasible. For me personally, the only way things were going to work was with flex-time. Unless other things in my life change, if they tell me in a few months or a year that they need me full-time again, I may have to find another job.

So, in conclusion, I guess my opinion is that if you’re coming in as a first-year and you need to be able to leave the office at 5:30 every single day, it’s going to be really tough, even if you can work from home later in the evening. People will probably be harder on you than they’ve been on me, for the unfortunate (and unfair) reason that I put in a number of years first when I worked until 8, 9, 10 every single night (and later — although my firm has never been as bad as others when it comes to late nights). If you’re able to be more flexible, if your childcare arrangement allows you to work later sometimes, it will help a lot. But it’s also just so hard to work late when your baby is at home.

And this all depends on how badly you want it. If working in Biglaw is your dream, disregard everything I said because I think you can make anything work with enough creativity and effort. Good luck!

Reading this again, I honestly can’t see how I could have responded differently. As I see it, the biggest issue really is that juniors in Biglaw play a certain and vital role, given how Biglaw works, and how deals and cases are structured. And, as I said above, that role is largely to be available for the grunt work, whenever it needs doing. That’s not necessarily because senior Biglaw people are jerks who want to dump on juniors (although there are plenty of those). It’s also because juniors are cheap, meaning you can get lots more hours of work out of them without offending clients quite as mightily. And when you’re talking about larger volumes of work, it’s just a fact that larger volumes require longer days and, usually, later hours. None of that is conducive to needing to leave at 5:30 every day.

All that being said, I find it hard to accept that we can’t help the Biglaw junior mommies. Unfortunately, however, right now I’m too tired to figure out a better way. Maybe someone out there has something more hopeful to offer, and if so, please feel free to email me and I’d be happy to share in a follow-up column. Right now, I need to get back to work and try to get to bed before the baby wakes up.

(And to my dear reader who inspired this column, I hope you’ve been successful and reached a decision that makes you happy, and mazel tov again on motherhood.)

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Mommy Dear, Esq. is a senior Biglaw associate in NYC by day and a new mommy by evening, weekend, and 3:30 a.m. She’s currently trying to “have it all,” “lean in,” and sometimes even cook dinner. Mommy Dear, Esq. is very, very tired. You can email her at mommydearesq@gmail.com.

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