The Road Not Taken: Networking for Misanthropes - Showing Up

Here are five more tips to round out the top 10 list of practical networking tips for attorneys who dislike other humans.

Networking has become a necessary professional skill for lawyers. It is no longer a wise option to let your networking skills wither by neglect or, worse, never develop the skill because it is not necessary to your daily work performance. Networking is a skill you have to make the effort to seek out opportunities to practice and improve. It is so important, I have decided to actively work on improving my own networking skills and find practical advice for finding comfort in awkward silence between strangers.

Last week I gave you five tips for preparing for a networking event. This week: five tips for the actual event to round out the top 10 list of practical networking tips for those of us who dislike other humans. I felt good about the planning tips; I can plan for a networking event no problem. Planning does not require engaging with other humans. Eventually, however, I am going to have to approach a circle of strangers already engaged in conversation, elbow my way into their circle, stick out my hand, and say, “I’m Celeste, nice to meet you.”

1. Research who will be there.

I know, this really goes with planning, but I can’t just jump into showing up and talking to people. I need a little bit of a safety net before I leave my comfort zone. As part of the planning process, I recommended setting goals for the event, including talking to a Very Important Person (whoever that may be for you).

To find a VIP, you need to know who will be at the event. How do you research who will be there? Get a guest list, if you can. Even if you can’t get a guest list, you can see who sponsors the event. You might be able to find attendees of past events. Don’t go in cold. There is an abundance of information about people available these days. Check social networking sites, firm bios, or publications. See who will be there and figure out who you need to make sure leaves with your card and your scent lingering on their hand.

2. Don’t talk about yourself, talk about them.

It’s a tip as old as time (or at least as old as Dale Carnegie): “talk to someone about themselves and they’ll listen for hours.” If you can’t think of anything to say after “Hi,” ask a question about the person in front of you. Ask what he or she does, how long they’ve been at the event, if they are a member of the organization hosting the event — anything. Buy yourself some time to either think of another question or actually engage in a conversation with this other human being. If you actually did #1 on this list, you’ll be ahead of the game and can ask a specific question about the person.

Sponsored

3. Don’t just talk about work.

You can use work as a starting point because most networking events are work-related. But if the conversation is easy, move off of work to something more interesting — hobbies, family, hopes, dreams, or mutual obsessions. Everyone can talk about work. To make a personal connection, you have to be interested in the other person.

4. Know how to enter and know how to exit.

This is probably the hardest part for me: getting started. There’s no easy way to sugar coat this: just jump in and put yourself out there. I got some good insight on this recently. If you are at a networking event, the purpose is to network. People should expect and delight in interruptions for introductions. Don’t be afraid to use the event for its intended purpose: networking. Likewise, be open and welcoming to others as well.

Once you’ve gotten into a conversation, how do you get out? You can be indirect and say you are going for another drink or another plate and you’ll speak again later. I have seen people actually say, “It was great speaking with you, but there is somebody who just came in that I need to say hi to,” but I don’t know if that’s a smart way to exit. That tells the person you are with that you think there they are less important than the person you are leaving them for, and I don’t think you would want to leave a conversation with that being the last impression.

Sponsored

5. Don’t sell.

Whether you are looking for a job, looking for clients, or looking for deeper connections, don’t make the pitch at the networking event. Remember your first goal of the networking event: get people to like you. People don’t like being used. So don’t use them, especially at the networking event. Follow up with the people you meet at the networking event. Set up an individual meeting if you are interested in selling to that person. The time for educating a person about what you have to offer is at the one-on-one meeting, not at the networking event.

Throughout the summer, I will be speaking to more of my colleagues who are good at networking. I’m talking to people who are naturally comfortable engaging groups of strangers and people who have had to work at it. I’ve already received wonderful insights and advice not just about what to do at these events, but also how to think about these events as a beneficial, and maybe even fun experience, instead of anxiety-inducing.


Celeste Harrison Forst has practiced in small and mid-sized firms and is now in-house at a large manufacturing and technology company where she receives daily hugs from her colleagues. You can reach Celeste directly at C.harrisonforst@gmail.com.