Small Law Firms

Three Common Mistakes To Avoid When Seeking Mentors

The keys to finding a mentor.

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It’s tough to go it alone. Navigating the business and legal world as a new lawyer can be difficult. There’s a reason firms have an established associate -> junior partner -> partner  system. Having a system in place that helps develop and foster growth in new attorneys under the guidance of more experienced ones is at the core of the traditional law firm model. The old finders, minders, and grinders if you will. But professional development as a new attorney has become more difficult as these roles have come to be blended together to some extent.

Not to mention that many firms lack any sort of clearly developed mentorship program to help new associates. And small firms likely have none at all. New associates are expected to sink or swim on their own. As such, it is often left to the new attorney to find his own way and ask seniors to help guide his or her career. But it can be difficult to find mentors.

Finding mentors is difficult because by their very nature they are rare. Mentors are people who have been there and done that and feel obliged to give back to those younger or junior to them. Likely because they received some type of mentorship while they were in the same spot you are now. But because they are special and have achieved success in their chosen field, they are also likely to be quite busy. They have time for mentoring, but not too much time. They aren’t just going to mentor anyone who comes up to them.

Mistake 1: Searching For ‘The One’

Often times in popular fiction there is an idea of a sort of uber-mentor. Yoda, Morpheus, etc. Some central figure that helps guide the protagonists actions. But that isn’t really how mentors work in real life. Pinning all your hopes and needs on one figure is putting an undue burden on them.

Just as mentors usually have multiple proteges, you will need more than one mentor in your life. What you really want is an “advisory group” of mentors.

Three to five people with experience who can provide insight into your career. This will allow you to receive multiple perspectives on an issue if needed. It also helps prevent you from “burning out” one mentor. Instead, you can cycle through mentors looking for advice as needed and not be overly bothersome to any one person.

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Mistake 2: Mentors Offer Only Praise

You need to find mentors who will challenge you. Point out your flaws. Tell you the “hard truths” other won’t. That’s what makes a mentor valuable. Mentors have the ability to see into you and know what is needed to push you towards growth. They are there to help sharpen you, not praise you until you shine.

That’s also not to say that you should tolerate mentors whose criticism veers towards abuse. If someone who is hypothetically mentoring you only offers scorn and belittlement, that person isn’t a mentor, they’re likely just a jerk. True mentors will encourage growth in their proteges through a number of different avenues:

  • Offering honest feedback
  • Doling out constructive criticism
  • Providing advice based on their past experience
  • Serve as a role model and example of success in your pursuit
  • Act as a sounding board for your ideas
  • Expose you to their array of resources and networks if needed
  • Helping plan or devise a strategy for handling a difficult situation
  • Encouraging you to take calculated and constructive risks
  • A swift kick in the ass

Mistake 3: It’s All About You

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It’s incredibly unlikely that you are going to meet someone who is going to jump from a casual relationship straight to mentorship. You first have to move them into your true network category first. You have to get on their radar first. Then you have to stay there. An easy way to do so is to continually try and be useful while staying in touch. By doing so you can begin to develop “relationship trust equity.”

An easy way to understand relationship trust equity is by looking at an example:

Allison, a young associate, meets Barbara, a mid level partner at a different firm who does the type of work she wants to do. Over the course of a few months, Allison interacts with Barbara at various bar events and social functions. Allison follows up with Barbara, emailing relevant information about their conversations, with the aim that the articles or research Allison sends to Baraba will be helpful or constructive in some way. Allison doesn’t bombard Baraba, but maybe touches base with a an article or recent judicial opinion relevant to Barbara’s practice area once or twice a month.

What Allison is creating within Barbara is a sense of obligation. Allison is

  1. displaying that she has some knowledge about Barbara’s practice,
  2. showing initiative by finding information for Barbara on her own time, and
  3. doing so without prompting or asking for anything in return.

What Allison has been doing is building up relationship trust equity. She is shaping and molding a sense of value in Barbara’s mind. Once Allison has built up enough relationship trust equity, only then should she “cash out” some of those shares and ask for advice or input from Barbara.

Take the time to avoid these common mistakes and you should be able to develop or improve relationships with the mentors in your life.

Keith Lee practices law at Hamer Law Group, LLC in Birmingham, Alabama. He writes about professional development, the law, the universe, and everything at Associate’s Mind. He is also the author of The Marble and The Sculptor: From Law School To Law Practice (affiliate link), published by the ABA. You can reach him at keith.lee@hamerlawgroup.com or on Twitter at @associatesmind.

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