Bar Exams

Bar Examinee Hilariously Lashes Out At Prep Companies

The bar exam is a lot of pressure and eventually someone had to crack.

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If you’re taking the bar exam this summer, your entire world — once a rich and diverse collection of thoughts, feelings, and interests — has collapsed into a singularity of freaking out about the UCC. It’s so bad that even we’re giving out last minute tips and advice.

Apply enough pressure to a lump of coal and you get a diamond. And apply enough pressure to a human being and you get an extended rant about hating bar prep companies. The latter concerns us today.

The Tumblr Motion4Sanctions unleashed a tremendous, frustrated rant against the bar prep industry, laying bare the time-honored teaching techniques that stymie and confuse examinees every year.

Like mnemonics:

2) Mnemonics, bitches. You give us FAR too many. The POINT of a mnemonic, last time I checked, was to aid the retention of information. When you give us five thousand different ones (that are completely counter-intuitive), I forget them ALL. On the bar exam, I know I’m going to be sitting there staring at an essay question, and then write down something like

And some choice words for prep hypotheticals.

I also hate that the limp dicks in your hypotheticals never EVER:

a) Record shit. Hey moron, if you’re buying shit from a dude you KNOW doesn’t have title, you probably want to record that shit. Or just don’t buy it, whatever. Who the fuck buys from a dude named Devious Dealer anyway? HIS NAME IS DEVIOUS DEALER. Fuck you.

****

d) Leave Blackacre to anyone in fee simple. Don’t even fucking talk to me about leaving your shit to Jimmy’s grandchildren on the fucking condition that Paula’s husband opens a stupid oyster restaurant in 30 years. Wanker. Nobody wants Blackacre. It’s shitty. AND full of mortgages. AND easements. So fuck you.

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But the author saves some of the best vitriol for the most annoying aspect of the bar exam process:

6) There’s nothing I hate – well, aside from that horrible time I had to do BARBRI Amps and got 0%- more than looking up answers and seeing ‘C is technically correct, but D is a better answer.’ WHY. Would it be THAT hard for you to have three wrong answer choices? What makes D better? Does it volunteer at a soup kitchen on weekends? I DON’T CARE. I should get credit for picking C if it’s correct. End of. FIX IT. You’re negligently causing me emotional distress. Actually, intentionally. THIS EXCEEDS THE BOUNDS OF WHAT WOULD BE ALLOWED IN A CIVILIZED SOCIETY.

Truth.

But cut the bar prep company some slack here, it’s not their fault that the bar exam is written by a thousand self-important monkeys with a thousand typewriters and a random word generator keyed to Black’s Law Dictionary. The exam itself makes a mockery of the profession. If a lawyer ever made a snap judgment between two admittedly close cases without consulting research, they can and should be sanctioned — so why is that encouraged on the damn entry exam? No one expects a lawyer to be a generalist anymore — state bars even crack down on lawyers who give the impression of expertise in a variety of areas — so why does a budding M&A lawyer have to opine on manslaughter to earn a license? The point is this test is stupid but it’ll all be over soon and next year you’ll get to enjoy laughing at people in your position.

Stay strong Motion4Sanctions.

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A Strongly Worded Letter To The Bar Exam [Motion4Sanctions]

Earlier: Ask The Professor: The 10 Most Important Last Minute Tips For Passing The Bar Exam
My 6 Keys To Crushing The Last Two Weeks Before The Bar Exam

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