Morning Docket: 09.29.15

* PETA's general counsel swears his organization isn't monkeying around when it comes to asserting the IP rights of Naruto the selfie-taking monkey, but he may have to deal with a jungle of jurisdictional issues first. [Motherboard / VICE] * Mmmm, Dewey smell a mistrial? On the eighth day of deliberations in the criminal trial of D&L's former leaders, the jurors likely made defense counsels' hearts skip a beat when they asked the judge for instructions on what to do concerning their undecided colleagues. [WSJ Law Blog] * Chief Justice John Roberts, who has voted conservatively in 85 percent of the Supreme Court's most divisive 5-4 decisions, apparently isn't conservative enough for our conservatives. It's the damn Affordable Care Act. Thanks, Obama. [New York Times] * According to the latest Acritas Global Elite Law Firm Brand Index 2015, for the sixth year running, Baker & McKenzie has the most recognizable Biglaw brand in the world. DLA Piper will continue to "churn [those] bill[s], baby!" in second place. [PR Web] * Take the deal: Ex-House Speaker Dennis Hastert, who's accused of hiding large sums used as hush money to conceal his prior sexual misconduct, is negotiating a plea deal with prosecutors. If he were convicted at trial, he'd face up to 10 years in prison. [Reuters]