Small Law Firms, Solo Practitioners

Back In The Race: Don’t Get 'Friend Zoned' By Potential Clients

Can self-employed lawyers have real friends, or is everyone just a potential client?

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As a new solo practitioner, one way to get clients is to start building relationships. But many random gurus and other internet rabble-rousers claim that this means you have to be friends with them first. That seems to make sense. After all, people want to hire lawyers they know and get along with, right?

So you go to events, parties, mixers and functions to meet new people. Like the diligent networker, you follow up with them over lunch. Then you meet at wine tastings, and bridge games where you discuss families and significant others. You make an effort never to talk work but you try to sneak in a sentence or two about your legal success stories.

Your efforts pay off. Many of the people you met consider you to be a good friend. They share details of their personal lives with you, including all of their problems. When they ask, you provide free legal advice and let them know that you are available whenever they need you.

One day, one of these friends – let’s call her Sheila – calls and says that she suspects her husband may be cheating on her. Being the good friend that you are, you go to Sheila’s house with a bottle of pinot grigio and a Blu-Ray copy of Under the Tuscan Sun and How Stella Got Her Groove Back. Over wine and Taye Diggs, you tell Sheila that even though all of your divorce cases have been successful, it is best for her to stand by her man and try to work things out.

A few weeks later, Sheila calls again to let you know that she decided to file for divorce and needs to hire an attorney. You tell Sheila that you can get started on her divorce paperwork immediately. The case should not be overly difficult since you know her so well.

But Shelia says, “Thank you so much for offering to help. But since we are close friends I don’t think a professional relationship would be appropriate. I’ll call you if I have any simple questions.” She then asks for your opinion about an attorney who practices family law at a major law firm. His name is P. Pierce, Esq.

You hang up the phone feeling like you have been slapped across the face with a cactus. Why did Shelia decide not to hire you even though you know each other so well and she presumably trusted you? It’s simple: You got friend-zoned.

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For those who do not keep up with the latest slang, being “friend-zoned” means that someone you’re interested in romantically says that she is not interested in a romantic relationship and wants to stay friends. I don’t have enough space to get into details but I am hoping that the commenters below will help me out by sharing their many experiences of being friend-zoned.

A person who needs legal help may not necessarily want her attorney friends representing her for several reasons.

First, she might be concerned that the attorney-client relationship may jeopardize their existing friendship. Clients have to share uncomfortable, sometimes sordid details with attorneys during the course of representation. This will affect your how you see your friend in the future. Would you invite a friend over to your house if he was being charged with burglary or child molestation and the prosecution provided you with boxes of video evidence?

Second, she might be concerned that the attorney may spread gossip among their mutual friends. Some people don’t understand that most attorneys are good at maintaining attorney-client privilege. But on the other hand, privileged information can slip through for the purpose of starting an interesting conversation.

Third, she might have something to hide. This is the case when a legal dispute involves money. She might be putting up a front to keep up her suckcessful appearance. Or her success came from defrauding charities instead of the virtues of hard work she keeps preaching about at her church group.

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I know that people hire their attorney friends in many situations. Regardless, if you are trying to establish yourself professionally, it is better not to get too friendly with the people you meet. Don’t get overly involved in their personal lives. You want to be known as a professional, not as a shoulder to cry on.

Can self-employed lawyers have real friends? Or is everyone just a potential client? Of course that depends and changes over time. For those who have steady business and live comfortably, they can focus more on establishing more meaningful relationships. But it’s always a good idea to sell yourself just a little because you never know who will send you the next referral.

But if you end up being friend-zoned, don’t feel too bad. Most friends make lousy clients. Some want you charge them at a friendly discount. Others are just moochers. And if you end up losing a case, your relationship might be in jeopardy. Another problem with friends is that if you know too much about them and their families, you may be ethically barred from representing them if it creates a conflict of interest. Hopefully, they can become referral sources instead.

Shannon Achimalbe was a former solo practitioner for five years before deciding to sell out and get back on the corporate ladder. Shannon can be reached by email at sachimalbe@excite.com and via Twitter: @ShanonAchimalbe.

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