Law Professors, Law Schools

People You Meet At Your Job Talk

Getting a job in legal academia is a journey. Here's who you meet along the way.

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Dear prospective law professor,

Congratulations in advance! You survived the AALS Law Faculty Recruitment Conference this coming week (the meat market).  Let us suppose that a law school or two see you for what you are: A capable, extraordinary scholar and gifted classroom teacher. In other words, you remind more senior faculty members of what they were like when they were your age.

Now what? Well, you might be invited for a “campus visit” or “fly back” wherein you go to the school and meet your potential future colleagues. Usually, the pinnacle of this visit is the “job talk,” wherein you present your scholarly work.

I have previously discussed how you should conduct yourself in your job talk, but I think what would be more helpful is to discuss the types of people you are going to meet at your job talk, and how to deal with them.

1. Gangster Prof Doing the Drive-By.  This academic gangster will ask a question. If you answer him incorrectly or disagree with him, he will make a disapproving comment, barely audible, but not to you. A simple “that’s not right” or “I think you’re wrong” in his eyes is enough to kill your talk. You’re done. At the hiring meeting, he will use one of the faculty meeting tactics to destroy you, most likely appealing to authority. Why? Pretty much the same reason as real-life drive-bys. Revenge (not necessarily related to you), turf war (subject matter overlap), and, of course, drugs may be involved.

Solution: You first have to determine whether this is just a marginalized crackpot or an influential member of the faculty. If the person is a crackpot, feel free to launch a few zingers (subtle ones). “That sounds like a great article for you to write!” might work. If the person is influential, do the job talk equivalent of genuflecting: mentioning Drive-By’s own work.

2. Monopolizer. It is as if you two are having the next great debate. Except you are really not. He is stuck on footnote 4 (because he’s fixated on that footnote number since Carolene Products). It isn’t even your footnote because some editor threw it in. You’d like to stick to your main points but, no, he’s now on his sixth volley and other hands are now going up. To the extent Monopolizer is merely taking a contradictory position, you two may end up sounding like the Monty Python Argument Clinic skit.

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Solution: “I’m enjoying our witty repartee, but I want to make sure others have a chance to thoroughly vet me.”

3. Confuse-us.  You are four minutes and thirty seconds into your talk. The hand goes up. The question: “When we are talking about eggs, you mean the organic free-range eggs or do you mean caged chicken factory eggs?”  Actually, your talk is about embryos and property rights, but no matter. 

Solution: This is a great opportunity. While informing the confused faculty member (who hasn’t read your article) about what your article is about, drive home the fundamental point of the piece. And then recapture the other faculty members by incorporating your other work into the discussion. This should take you just a minute or two.  Pray other hands don’t go up.

4. The Apologizer. I’m sorry, says the Apologizer, but I fear that I have to use my superior intellect to shred your job talk. The Apologizer looks at you with pity: You’re so sadly devastated by his argument. If only you had been more thoughtful! Sorry! In reality, of course, the Apologizer has done no such thing. No one else gets it either. But he’s so confident!  You think he is wrong. But that’s not what he thinks, and that is why there is a look of pity. He’s so nice, what with the puppy dog eyes, that you eventually start to think he is right.

 Solution: If Apologizer is truly annoying, then you might want to go into deposition mode. Start asking him questions. Make sure you pin him down. Don’t spend a great deal of time doing this, particularly if Apologizer is a big wig.

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If you were foolish enough to present a topic upon which Apologizer is a noted expert, you might have to back off. Alternatively, you can start appealing to authority, pulling in names of other big wigs that agree with you. If no one agrees with you, consult my scholarship chart.

5. Verizon. Without regard for your job talk, Verizon will have his cell phone go off during the talk. He might even stand up, talking loudly into the phone, as he walks out. He might be texting and drop it. He might summon Siri.

Solution: Do not laugh, regardless of the ring tone! And do not allow yourself to be deterred from completing your talk either. Suggest something better as a ringtone. Perhaps the “Sound of Silence?” Or pretend you are airline captain: “The captain has asked that you turn your phones to airplane mode for the duration of this talk.”

6. The Storyteller. “Your job talk reminds me of this amazing discussion I once had with Justice Warren. Let me tell you all about it. It really is a great story….” Why? Because it tells you that I’ve met a Supreme Court Justice and we engaged in intellectual conversation. How cool am I?

Solution: Strap yourself in. You don’t have any good options here. The best you can do is to respond as briefly as possible. Alternatively, tell your own good story of hob-knobbing with elites to show him (and others) how cool you are.

7. Helium Hand. Helium Hand didn’t get the best of you the last encounter, so this prof wants to try again. And again. And again. She may be interested in your talk, or just trying unsuccessfully to impress.

Solution: If other hands are up, then you can easily avoid calling on Helium Hand. You might say “I want to make sure everyone gets a chance at me” or something funnier. Don’t worry, Helium Hand will come up to talk with you after your talk.

8. Table Manners. Table Manners is a derivative form of Verizon, discussed earlier. He might cough throughout your entire job talk. He might blow his nose, excrete gas loudly, or chew ice. Like a two year old, he might have discovered that his chair squeaks and likes to rock back and forth to hear it.

Solution: Sorry. There’s nothing you can do here. The big key is never let anyone know you are disturbed by it. Do not look Table Manner’s way. You will come off as the better person. And, if it is a good faculty, someone is already talking to the offending party.

9. Peter Cottontail. Peter Cottontail means well. Peter is a scholar, and sees the implications of your scholarship. But Peter Cottontail wants to take you down the rabbit trail. He wants you to explore things that you haven’t explored. He wants you to broaden the horizons of your article.

Solution: If you have thought about those rabbit trails and can prove it (say, in a footnote reference), then that would be helpful. It’ll prove you have thought about the implications, but chose to address it later. Always mention future work, if the rabbit trail is or potentially could be the subject of future work. If the person is way off base, then you might have to finesse this a bit, suggesting you’ll have to think about it more. But if the person has a legit point and you haven’t thought about that point before your job talk, you haven’t been playing good defense.

10. Slide By. Slide By is a serious impediment to your talk if you use power point slides. Slide By will ask you to return to a slide three or four back, disrupting the flow. Slide By might have raised the question at the appropriate time and slide, but no, you have to go back. Be sure you know how to use power point well.

Solution: There is something disquieting that happens when your flow is disrupted, and again when you scroll through the slides you already covered. Thus, you have to acknowledge the awkwardness. For example, you could flip to the next slide, which you already covered and say “and this slide should come as no surprise” and then move on back on track.

The upshot of my advice: Let nothing phase you. Let nothing stop you. Let nothing upset you. The more pleasant, relaxed, and on point you are, the more your job talk will be viewed favorably.

Some schools place little value in the job talk. They rightly see it as basically a test of whether you can teach, and whether or not the faculty can behave for an hour. Other schools, however, place a great or indeterminate amount on the job talk. You may not even know which type of school you’re interviewing. For that reason, it is important to nail the talk with grace and dignity. Good luck!

Tips For Your Job Talk [Law Prof Blawg]
Faculty Recruitment Conference Tips For Interviewers [Law Prof Blawg]

LawProfBlawg is an anonymous professor at a top 100 law school. You can see more of his musings here and on Twitter (@lawprofblawg). Email him at lawprofblawg@gmail.com.

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