In-House Counsel, Kids

Pro Choice

The country has some really messed-up priorities when it comes to kids.

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Nope, this is not a column about abortion rights, or the lack thereof in Texas. It is about the choice to have children. I am an attorney who knows all too well the difficult task of raising kids while maintaining a climb in the profession (no matter how slow). And I was dismayed to read about the child in New York City who was dropped off at day care out of necessity — and died. Every parent has had a nightmare about their infant stopping breathing even for a second, or worse, not waking up. I remember checking on my sleeping firstborn to ensure he was breathing (something I did far less of when we got to number three). Heck, by number three, if there’s no blood, no foul. But, I digress. As upsetting as the story was, I was more upset at many of the anonymous (of course) comments that followed. I daresay that the ugly and despicable lack of empathy made a Belgian terrorist’s heart look almost warm in comparison.

Look, I don’t care to engage in a moral or philosophical or even objectivist debate about the facts of the case at issue. What I am happy to debate is the lack of parental leave time in this country; and nope, I don’t want to move, I want the laws to change. We are the only industrialized nation without mandated paid parental leave. Even Saudi Arabia, not the best country for the equal treatment of women, mandates 50 percent pay for over two months. I am well aware of the U.S. Family Medical and Leave Act, but FMLA only guarantees a job, not any pay. While a small percentage of companies do offer paid leave, they are far from the norm. Notably, they have reported less female attrition than other companies; hmm.

I know that I am lucky enough to be married to my wife at all, let alone a spouse who is multi-Ivied in credentials, and makes a nice salary. We are among the fortunate few. But, when you throw in the student loans (more than our mortgage) and start to hack away at our income, that “fortune” becomes less than I’d make managing a Wal-Mart. And that is a fact. Those of you newbies in Biglaw — congrats, but take your salary, divide it by the hours you are expected to put in (and will), and watch as your hourly income rate dwindles to embarrassingly low levels given the amount of loan debt you likely possess. You may be making $160k on paper, but in reality it is far less, once you factor in actual hours worked.

Let the harrumphing begin — “no one forced you to have kids,” “if you couldn’t afford them you shouldn’t have them,” and so on. Right. So, no one should have kids if they aren’t in the 1 percent, live in a relatively inexpensive Midwestern town, and their wives’ gestational opportunities exist until they’re 60. Well, that may be a utopian ideal in some respects, but it disregards the 99 percent, the fact that a heck of a lot of us live in high-cost real estate areas, and Biglaw doesn’t really exist in Edmond, Oklahoma; oh, and once you hit 35, the pregnancy “risks” multiply.

I am not sure where the disconnect began between the United States and the rest of the world. Surely, though, it is one that can be rectified. And yes, it would require “more government” regulation (Benghazi!). We need to ensure that new parents can afford to take time off with their children. It is proven that the initial months are critical for a child’s health. No one should have to put a child in an unlicensed day care or risk losing insurance, or a job. And no child should die because they are separated from their mother during those precious and important first months of life. As simple and common sense as those statements may be, it’s going to take a bit more “compassion” to make it a reality.

David Mowry is Senior Counsel to a large technology company. The views expressed do not necessarily reflect the company’s position or opinion on issues raised herein.

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David is a former litigator, two time federal clerk, and former Chair of the Association of Corporate Counsel’s New to In House Committee, and is available for speaking engagements. If interested, you may reach him at dmowry00@gmail.com.

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