Shockingly, Court Rejects 'Motorcycle Boner' Appeal

Courts won't let you blame your 30-hour boner on your motorcycle.

Do you remember the guy who sued BMW alleging that his motorcycle gave him “a severe case of priapism“? If you don’t, “Bad to the Boner” biker Henry Wolf complained of a 30+ hour erection that he pinned on the intense vibration of his BMW motorcycle and special Corbin-Pacific seat, raising all our hopes that BMW motorcycle spots could replace all the limp-dick ads we’re forced to sit through on NFL Sundays.

Alas, it turns out the legal system isn’t able to help poor Mr. Wolf. Chasing terrorists with Burt Reynolds remains the only legally cognizable vehicular cause of a giant throbbing erection:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qUccjCBuByE

Even though Wolf admitted that he’d suffered from recurring bouts of priapism for months prior to the fateful BMW joyride, his suit was ultimately doomed by advancing an entirely novel theory of dick damage that none of his medical experts could back up. I mean, what kind of support is this?

Dr. [Jonathan S.] Rutchik testified that he also relied on reports that vibration injury to the feet and legs and two Japanese studies that reported an increased incidence of erectile dysfunction among motorcyclists.

Men who deal with their mid-life crisis by buying a motorcycle suffer from erectile dysfunction?

That’s a serious correlation-causation phallus fallacy.

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(The whole opinion is available on the next page…)

Earlier: Lawsuit of the Day: No, It’s Not a Pencil in This Bike Dude’s Pocket

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