Books, Religion

Jesus Hates Lawyers

Why are lawyers not more aggressive about rewriting the Bible to make themselves more loved?

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But He said, “Woe to you lawyers as well! For you weigh men down with burdens hard to bear, while you yourselves will not even touch the burdens with one of your fingers.”

— Luke 11:46 (New American Standard Bible). While it’s fashionable to perform backflips to convince the world that Shakespeare really loved lawyers when he wrote, explicitly, “Kill All The Lawyers,” lawyers are eerily silent on trying to earn praise from Jesus. Maybe they think Talmudic lawyers are a different breed, but “you burden society and won’t do anything to help” sounds pretty damning of the status quo.

It is wrong of course. Lawyers are glad to ease the burdens of society. Please see attached.

Timekeeper Description Hours Rate
Partner Mtg. w/ client re: grievous burdens 1.4 1000
Associate Drafting memo re: mtg w/ client 2.0 500
Partner Mtg w/ Associate re: memo re: mtg w/ client .4 1000
Paralegal Create binder 1.2 200
Partner T/c w/ Gvt re: grievous burdens .6 1000
Associate Transcribing notes of T/c w/ Gvt .5 500
Paralegal Place transcript in binder 1.6 for some reason 200
Partner Further work .4 1000
Partner Further work .7 1000
Partner Late dinner [Expense added] 1000
Partner Status call w/ client re: failure to relieve grievous burden .3 1000
Associate Memo .8 500
Paralegal Update binder. Send to cold storage .7 200

Total: $6179.90

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