How To Deal With Jerks (Part I)

As I read these words from Chief Justice Roberts, I’m reminded of the great responsibility we have as attorneys for conducting ourselves with dignity, courtesy, and integrity. It’s easy to say these words in the abstract – it’s much harder to choose an action that’s aligned with these higher values.

I wrote a previous post, Stop Training Lawyers to be Jerks. In this post, I asked several attorneys I respect the question, “How do you deal with jerks?”

Notice Your Own Bias

Labeling and pigeonholing someone as a “jerk” is a cognitive shortcut. Our mind uses these as a way to quickly determine whether someone is friend or foe. Early in my career, I came across an attorney who many people in our bar referred to simply as an “animal.” He regularly screamed — at opposing counsel, at his own client, and lost his cool in open court.

Jack Pringle, partner at Adams and Reese, had the following helpful insight on recognizing and working with our own biases:

To quote George Carlin “Anyone who drives faster than I do is a maniac; anyone who drives slower than I do is a moron.” This is blind spot bias or naive realism, where we think that people who agree with us are brilliant, and those who disagree with us are idiots. Obviously in an adversarial process- where opposing positions and viewpoints define the playing field- this effect is potentially prominent.

Cognitive shortcuts are necessary to get through life, but we should be aware of them. They can influence and shape our responses to a person. Knowing the attorney’s reputation I mentioned above, I was extremely guarded and probably overly defensive in my interactions with him. He didn’t live down his nickname, but honestly, I couldn’t sort out how much of it was my own bias and how much was in fact a personality defect.

Kill ‘Em With Kindness

This was suggested by many attorneys. Doubling down and engaging in incivility is unlikely going to put you (or your client) in a positive light. This is also true when working with challenging clients.

Lee Boothby, transactional business and litigation attorney, shared:

I always respond to obnoxious and insulting attorneys by referring to them as Ms. or Mr. and ignore their aggression and childish behavior. I am extra careful to be very professional and very courteous in any email exchanges. This just came up recently and those series of emails became a part of the court record and put the other attorney in a very unprofessional light with the Judge. In my opinion, never take the bait and stoop to their level.

A final thing to remember: when you’re emotionally, psychologically, or physically exhausted, jerks are much more difficult to deal with. So, remember to always practice self-care first.

What tips or advice have you found to be helpful in working with jerks? Drop me an email at smile@theanxiouslawyer.com and let me know!

P.S. You’re invited to a free 30 Days of Radical Self-Care challenge! It starts today.