Law Professors, Law Schools

Basic Humanity 101: For Law Students (And Faculty)

Please don’t leave your humanity and common sense at the door of the law school.

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Shocked older womanIt appears it is time for me to develop an advice column, based loosely on Miss Manners.

Dear LawProfBlawg,

I’m sure you’ve tweeted this before, but students need a reminder regarding basic etiquette. For example, why did a student approach me at the podium today, lean in, and then speak so softly that I had to lean in closely to hear her only for her to whisper closely in my face that she had a stomach virus and may be woozy for class!? What constantly makes students believe that they should 1) come to class when sick, and 2) get super close to people to let them know they are sick? I told her that she should really go home. She refused. Good grief!!

Bracing for Illness in Boston

Dear Bracing,

You must remember two things about the student who whispered to you (out of embarrassment) about her illness. First, she didn’t want her colleagues to know she’s ill. It is a sign of weakness. If discovered, they would avoid her like the plague (ha!) and she would be a social outcast. That’s her anxiety talking. If she skipped class, she would fear missing something important, not having any sympathy, and worry that the notes she received from colleagues would paint an incomplete picture.   In other words, the reason she exported the illness onto the class was anxiety. Of course, by coming to class and exposing others to illness, she is now making your worries come true.

Why did she whisper to you? Well, obviously, law professors are not human. They do not get sick. They are impervious to human conditions. They get professor-related illnesses, like “conferences.” This is why when students run into professors at grocery stores or restaurants, students look at the profs like they should be home eating kittens and final exams.

One option is to announce at the start of the semester: “If you are sick, please be a responsible human being and do not subject your colleagues or me to your illness. I will be here to fill you in on what you missed, and your colleagues I’m sure will be decent human beings and provide you with notes.” This lets them know what is expected of them as decent human beings.

Of course, “personalities” (and personality disorders) come out as students start to get more comfortable with law school. For example, I asked people on Twitter (feel free to follow me — I follow back unless you’re a bot or crazy) what some of their colleagues’ most annoying habits in class were. They responded:

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  1. Foul habits. You may feel like it is appropriate to, say, bring your chewing tobacco to school and “dip” in class, but your colleagues are gagging, particularly when you spit it into your glass or bottle. Or maybe your thing is to shock people. You’re the guy watching porn (and I don’t mean “law porn”) on his laptop while sitting in the second row. You’re scarring people.

    2. Either way, you are now the disgusting guy. Don’t be that guy. Be considerate of your colleagues.  You probably also shouldn’t microwave your fish leftovers in the law review office, either.

    Are you a messy masticator? Maybe work on improving on your table manners. Chew with your mouth closed, dear. And please do not talk while chewing, spewing food everywhere. We’re not talking high fallutin’ table manners, we’re talking about basic things parents might teach their five-year-olds. Also, imagine what happens if you are taken to lunch as you intern. Let’s not pretend that law firms are above not having people back because of things so trivial as messy mastication or dipping.

    Perhaps you just keep your cellphone on during every class. And it goes off every class. The professor is more tolerant than I am, so you get away with it. But your colleagues notice. You aren’t awaiting life-or-death test results or expecting a child? Don’t have a latchkey kid at home? Then you probably should turn that off.   You know, like you do in the theater.

  1. Gossip and smack talk. Do you always have the skinny on everyone, real or imagined? “That girl does drugs. This student is sleeping with that student.” Blah blah blah. Here’s something you should know: You are popular because people love 7th grade. People love gossip… when it isn’t about them. But no one trusts you. Nor should they. You’re gossiping about them behind their back, too. Time to grow up, before one day you will gossip about a client confidence and get disbarred.

    2. Or maybe your thing is speaking ill of others. Are you free with your appraisals of your colleagues? Do you say things like, “That guy over there is an idiot.” Either way, dig deep within yourself. Why are you so insecure? Time to deal with it now, before you speak ill of the senior partner (who always finds out), and he or she fires you.

  1. Sketchy. You know the type. Never parts with money. Or while out with his colleagues, he collects all the cash, uses his credit card, and skips the tip, pocketing the difference. Or the dude who skips out before the bill comes. This, too, sends a signal about trust. Down the line, you will be known as “cheap guy.” It will be hard for you to negotiate with a colleague in the future because they will believe you are hiding something, or are going to bolt at the last minute.
  1. Bully. This is the person who laughs at a colleague’s failure. The difference between this person and the gossip is that the bully directly insults and injures another, right in their face. He’s the one who calls people stupid, ugly, or mocks them. It is frequently the case that the bully is totes insecure, and is exporting that emotion onto others.  And if you hit the bully back with an insult, he will get deeply offended, say he was only kidding, and then hold a grudge for the rest of law school.

    2. If you do that nonsense in law school, you will do that later when you practice. Maybe you might be good at depositions. Good for you. But you’ll lose part of your humanity doing it. And, as you stop turning off the bad behavior after the depositions are over, you’ll be despised.

Bottom line? Don’t let law school take away your compassion and humanity. The people I remember in law school, and who became the best lawyers later on, did these things:

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  1. They treated people as ends unto themselves, and not means to an end. Kant wrote: “Act so as to treat people always as ends in themselves, never as mere means.” Everyone has value. Don’t treat colleagues you perceive as not having much value to YOU as pawns or tools. Treat them as you would your professors (unless you’re one of THOSE students who belittles professors).
  1. They are positive people. They are uplifting. They understand they have challenges, but for some reason they are confident they will overcome them. They are confident you will do well, too. They encourage you. They want you to win.Studies show that positive thoughts can lead to positive outcomes. When you list out what you are grateful for, you become more grateful and happy. Thus, positive people, encouraging people just seems more successful. So, if you don’t want to stop being toxic just for the sake of others, do it for yourself.
  1. They walk in the shoes of others. If a professor is at her car door, late at night, and you walk up to her to ask a question, think: If I were in that situation, how panicked would I be? If someone said that about me, would I be offended? If someone breathed and coughed on me while they were sick, would I be annoyed? Walking in another’s shoes is a good way to check your behavior. What awkward position did I leave someone in by skipping out on the tip? This is the compassion component of humanity: Putting the needs of others ahead of your own.
  1. They are reliable. They do what they say they are going to do, when they say they are going to do it.   They are prepared for study group. They are also reliable in their state of mind. They do not go flying off the handle at you one moment, and begging for your help the next.

I know I’ve written a lot about toxic people. Toxic people are set in their ways frequently, and they will export drama onto you. Don’t be one of those toxic people, exporting your unhappiness onto others.

But, even if you aren’t toxic, don’t be a pariah.   Your colleagues, consciously or unconsciously, will learn from your behavior. You also don’t want to be in that awkward conversation with the professor who has to ask you to be human.

And, at the most basic level, don’t leave your humanity and common sense at the door of the law school. Once you leave it, it is nigh impossible to get it back.

LawProfBlawg is an anonymous professor at a top 100 law school. You can see more of his musings here and on Twitter (@lawprofblawg). Email him at lawprofblawg@gmail.com.

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