Gay Marriage, Supreme Court

Supreme Court Justices Sued!... By Lawyer With Nonsensical Complaint About The Gays.

Let's step back and appreciate how the anti-gay crowd isn't even trying to find level-headed people to rail against marriage equality.

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(Ted Eytan / Flickr)

(Ted Eytan / Flickr)

In the immediate aftermath of the Obergefell decision, the media fell all over itself to proclaim the “beauty of romantic love” or that “love conquers all” or some other bad 9th-grade poetry swill. Perhaps these cloying scribes figured Hallmark was in the market for copywriters capable of turning profound human emotion into a lazy knockoff of something Shakespeare banged out in 20 minutes. Whatever it was, it wasn’t beauty.

The real beauty that Obergefell wrought revealed itself in downright comical avatars who gave physical form to free-floating conservative ire. These twats flocked around an anti-gay pizzeria accidentally catering a gay wedding like its proprietors were the f**king Freedom Riders. They crowdfunded a bakery that was successfully sued for discrimination to the tune of $36K. Then there’s Kim Davis. Christ. Kim Davis is ambulatory smegma. The outrage over marriage equality is so detached from reality that opponents felt absolutely no shame lionizing these people.

The latest vessel of outrage is Alabama attorney Austin Burdick, and he’s taking his irritation that some guy, somewhere, may be applying for a mortgage with another dude to court by suing the Obergefell majority:

Burdick is suing the five justices for violations of the 5th Amendment, breach of contract, breach of fiduciary duty and seeks, among other things compensatory damages, punitive damages, mental anguish damages, and attorney’s fees and costs. The lawsuit seeks recovery of damages exceeding $6 million.

Sure, why not? This reads like an issue-spotter for concussion patients. Naturally this case is brought pro se, but Burdick’s legal training makes this even sadder because he’s supposed to know better. Like… pro se it ain’t so.

“The opinion in fact rewrites the 14th Amendment to read: ‘Every state must make or enforce any law which shall abridge the privileges and immunities of citizens of the United States; further, each state shall deprive any person of life, liberty, or property, without due process of law under the guise of extending tax benefits or some other license; and any person within its jurisdiction may be deprived of the equal protection of the laws when it is fashionable to do so,'” the lawsuit states.

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Is this a publicity stunt designed to drum up business among the gay-hating throngs? If so, I appreciate the effort, but is it worth the cost of broadcasting your propensity to file frivolous claims?

Whatever. Certainly the judge hearing this matter will make quick work of this. Let’s just check to see who is assigned… oh good! It’s Magistrate T. Michael Putnam, better known as the guy who “wouldn’t second-guess” the school who used a teen girl as bait to catch a suspected rapist and ended up letting her get raped. Of course.

Stare into this whirlpool of legal fail and tell me it’s not beautiful. The hands of a higher power are at play, my friends!

Res ipsa Yokelitur.

(The full lesson in how to misinterpret the Constitution is available on the next page.)

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Alabama attorney sues U.S. Supreme Court justices who legalized gay marriage [Al.com]

Earlier: Using Teen As Rape Bait Turns Out To Be A Bad Idea​

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