Health / Wellness, Job Searches

How To Know When It's Time To Quit

Being in the wrong job will make your career feel endlessly long.

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Jeena Cho

Jeena Cho

Dear Readers,

First, thanks to the many of you that wrote to share your experiences on going on silent retreats! Who knew so many ATL readers also enjoy having major quiet time? I’m still in processing mode and recovering from “retreat fog,” but let’s just say that it was an exquisitely, awesomely, awful experience.

In this post, I want to address a common question I get — when you’re miserable at your job, or just not content, how do you decide when it’s time to quit?

It’s an awful feeling when you realize that the very thing you’ve worked so hard to achieve wasn’t meant for you. I went through this when I realized very early on that being at the State Attorney’s Office felt like a daily torture. Sadly, I stayed way too long and suffered the consequences.

I stayed partly because it was my “dream job” and I couldn’t bear the thought of being a “quitter,” but more importantly, I stayed because I didn’t know what else I should do. I didn’t have any clear direction, and the path forward felt dark and frightening.

It’s been over a decade since my time at SAO and since then, I’ve had various short- and long-term jobs, both in and out of law. Here’s what I wish I knew back then.

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Your career is long, your life is short.

Assuming you graduate from law school in your 20s, you’ll have four or five decades of working life ahead of you. Stepping outside of your title as a lawyer for a moment, consider the questions — who am I? What is the difference I want to make in the world? What gifts and talents do I have that uniquely qualify me to make this difference? Another exercise you can try is to imagine yourself at the end of your life. Looking back, how do you want to feel? How do you want to be remembered?

I’ll be the first to admit, these questions are really hard and scary. Sadly, too many people choose to go through life avoiding these questions until it’s too late.

What I know for certain is that I did not want to be remembered as being an Assistant State Attorney who did a fantastic job prosecuting undocumented workers, pot smokers, or panhandlers. I also hated being part of a cog in the giant machine of the prison–industrial complex. As a lawyer, what I deeply longed for was to help people heal, reconcile, and feel whole again.

Being in the wrong job will make your career feel endlessly long. Your life is precious and short — be thoughtful and mindful about how you spend it.

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What’s the absolute worst thing that can happen?

When considering major life changes, the feeling of anxiety can feel so overwhelming that it’s hard to think clearly. My thought pattern would go something like this: I hate my job. I should be happy at this job. I worked so hard at it. But I really hate this job. I want to quit. I can’t quit because I’ll be a loser. Like an endless merry-go-round, my mind would go through the exact same thought patterns, continually feeding the dreadful sense of anxiety.

If you suffer from this, try this exercise:

  1. Grab a piece of paper and pen. On the top of the page, write whatever primary desire comes to mind. It can be anything you desire! “I want to quit and make art,” “I want to quit and start my own law practice,” or “I want to quit my job.”
  2. Then ask, what is the worst thing that can happen? Another question you can ask is what am I most afraid of?
  3. Write down whatever answers come to mind.
  4. Repeat Step #2 and ask the same questions again. For example, if your answer is “I’m afraid my friends will think I’m a failure,” see what’s beneath that fear by repeating the questions.
  5. You’ll likely have many different answers to the questions in Step #2. The key is to dig into your fears and figure out the absolute worst-case scenario.

When I was honest with myself, the two primary fears were (1) being seen as unsuccessful or somehow “failing” and (2) not being able to find another job (then subsequently becoming homeless).

This tendency to catastrophize is so common for humans, especially lawyers. We tend to hyper-focus on the negative, yet overlook the positive.

Now, try playing this exercise in reverse. Ask yourself, what is the best-case scenario? Suppose you do quit your job and move onto the next thing and you’re wildly successful. What does that scenario look like?

Isn’t it possible that completely “failing” at Plan B is just as likely as “wildly succeeding” at it? Doesn’t the most realistic scenario look like rest of your life currently — a mixture of ups, downs, successes, disappointments, happiness, and sadness? Once you’ve faced your thinking errors, you’ll be in a better position to know when it’s time to quit.

In navigating career changes, one thing I’ve found to be crucial is having a regular mindfulness practice. It has given me the space to literally sit quietly on a daily basis and to look at the thought patterns and emotions without getting lost in it. If you’re struggling with the decision to quit or stay, I encourage you to find a bit of time everyday to be with this important life decision.

As always, you can reach me at hello@jeenacho.com or on Twitter @jeena_cho. If you’re interested in starting a mindfulness practice, join National Association of Women Lawyers (NAWL) and my co-author, Karen Gifford, for a free online eight-week online mindfulness program starting September 7th.

Jeena Cho is the author of The Anxious Lawyer: An 8-Week Guide to a Joyful and Satisfying Law Practice Through Mindfulness and Meditation (affiliate link). She is a contributor to Forbes and Bloomberg where she covers diversity/inclusion, resilience, work/life integration, and wellness in the workplace. She regularly speaks and offers training on women’s issues, diversity, wellness, stress management, mindfulness, and meditation. You can reach her athello@jeenacho.com or @jeena_cho on Twitter.

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