First-Year Gets Punked By Deadbeat Client

This is why you get a full retainer.

At right: What your client promises. At left: What he delivers.

At right: What your client promises. At left: What he delivers.

It is my understanding that in Biglaw World newer Associates seldom, if ever, interact with clients. From a professional development perspective that seems like a bad thing, but I get it. In small towns and in small practices, we — as with most things — are baptized by fire. This usually means that we spend the first 2-5 years getting stiffed by clients. It is the inevitable byproduct of a market in which you need to take everything that comes in the door. Often times our economic success is predicated on our ability to avoid it happening too frequently.

Story time:

I was six months into the practice of law. I had been working primarily, up until that point, on cases provided to me by partners. I was desperate for my own cases and jumped at anything. I had taken a few in on my own, but they had all been for local folks who sat down at a table and paid me by check. Then there was him. He was from Ohio or Idaho, or maybe Iowa, screw it… Ohidaho. He cold-called from Ohidaho and was referred to me. His name was, let’s call him Turdly McDouchelington. That’s not altogether inaccurate. He was a traveling salesman of pet-supplies, or insurance, or test tubes, or inflatable Santa Clauses, or dinosaur dioramas, but his real skill was peddling bullshit. The particular brand of bullshit he was best at peddling was that he was going to pay me.

The problem he needed solved was a fairly significant backlog of speeding tickets while visiting my State that resulted in the suspension of his driving privileges. He called because this was now — in an immediate sense — harming his ability to operate a motor vehicle in other states, including Ohidaho. I asked for a $1000 retainer to try to deal with the state agency. He said he could wire me the $1000 in a couple of days but could do a retainer of $500 on a credit card that evening. In full-on first-year associate people pleasing mode, I accepted that, emailed him an engagement letter, and directed him to billing. It was just about 5:00 PM, I was interested in the issues and started to research them. Three or four hours later (I was a First Year Associate and not as efficient as a I am now), it turned out Turdley, Mr. McDouchelington, had an argument. He hadn’t received proper notice and the administrative agency had suspended his license without affording the proper process.

I woke up excitedly the next morning, bounded into the office, and called the administrative agency. Over the next several hours I was in touch with the multiple individuals within the agency, with my client, with my client’s mother (who had relevant information) and was in a position to draft a letter that would permit my client to pay his speeding tickets and have the suspension lifted. I drafted the letter. Then I got the call from Billing. Apparently, during the previous day’s late afternoon discussion Billing had agreed to accept only $350 from the client with a promise for $150 forthcoming. I told them he actually was supposed to pay $1000 and I had reluctantly agreed to $500 with the remainder of the $1000 retainer to be paid within a couple of days. I called Turdley. He agreed to pay another $150, and offered the following: “man, I’m sorry, but now I have to pay these parking tickets. But don’t worry I have a big [encyclopedia, vacuum cleaner, snake oil, Scentsy, savings bonds, rubber chicken, magazine subscription] deal next week, so finish up that great job you’ve done so far and I’ll pay you IMMEDIATELY after I get my commission.” Wrapping things up required a trip to the administrative agency and ultimately to Court, but at long last I resolved Turd McD’s issues in full. He paid his tickets online. He now owed me over $2000 for the work I did, which given the many issues with his case, was damn near affordable.

Turdley did not, however, pay me the next week. He also changed his number. The fees received (apart from the $350 he had paid for retainer) were not credited to my bonus calculation. I was pissed that first year, and each of the next 5 years subsequent thereto in November when I would take a look at my accounts receivable report. Finally, and after many calls, many google searches, tremendous frustration, and half a decade, I wrote the words “write off” next to it on the A/R report. You win this time Turdley!

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Atticus T. Lynch, Esq. is an attorney in Any Town, Any State, U.S.A. He did not attend a top ten law school. He’s a litigator who’d like to focus on Employment and Municipal Litigation, but the vicissitudes of business cause him to “focus” on anything that comes in the door. He can be reached at atticustlynch@gmail.com or on Twitter.

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