Law Schools

New Names For South Texas 'Houston' College Of Law LEAKED!

They have some fantastic new names planned.

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houston_skyline_duskAfter the artist formerly known as South Texas College of Law announced that it would replace its current “Houston College of Law” moniker with a new brand next week, Above the Law staff began working with our allies at the Kremlin WikiLeaks to get our hands on the new name before the public announcement.

We’re happy to announce that we’ve uncovered a memo with every proposed name that the law school has under consideration. Its effort to name itself curiously close to the University of Houston Law Center has fallen flat, but these new options should position the school build on its reputation as a destination law school for the next generation:

To: Members of the Houston College of Law Board of Trustees
CC: John Podesta
Date: October 26, 2016

As you are all aware, the marketing team was tasked with creating a bold, paradigm-shifting, and non-infringing name for our great law school going forward. After weeks of creative work and focus group testing, we submit for your consideration the following options:

The Houston School of AWESOME — Our understanding of the preliminary injunction is that the similarity to the University of Houston rested on calling ourselves a law school in Houston. This takes that out of the equation and doubles down on our brand as “Awesome.”

University of (South) Texas School of Law — Returning to our old name would be the “safe” option, but even if we return to our roots, we don’t want to look stagnant. This name conveys that we are undeniably a University of Texas. We also think this branding could benefit from a new palette. Burnt orange would really pop with this name.

Southern United Methodist University — There are many denominations of Methodism, and we feel attaching ourselves to the United Methodist Church could reap solid benefits.

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Starbucks Law School — Admissions is a perennial hurdle for any law school, and we think the drive-by traffic of this striking brand could be a real shot in the arm for the school. Especially around September. We also feel it adds real heft to establishing the academic bona fides to name the school after a key figure in a landmark work of American fiction. We feel Lt. Starbuck of Battlestar Galactica is the ideal candidate for this purpose.

Antonin G. Scalia School of Law — Why not name the school after the recently passed Supreme Court Justice? Obviously we’d include the jurist’s middle initial to avoid an embarrassing acronym because we’re not f**king stupid.

Apollo 13 Law School — Going to law school could be the most successful failure of your life!

Earlier: The Battle Over Houston (Law School) May Be Drawing To A Close

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